Mean Girls.
If I may implore, what is it about our DNA that craves gossip? You know – the dirt. The 411. As much as I would like to say I don’t participate (I don’t like to verbally contribute, per say) – I have listened to it. Or, read about it (we have a police blotter that’s full of, um, interesting offenses).
Again, since I much prefer anonymity, I will go on record as saying that I live just outside of a major city. A suburb (gasp). Let me interject by saying that I swore I’d never live in the ‘burbs, or drive a minivan. I managed to avoid the minivan situation – ‘burbs, not so much. Are the school districts that much better? Meh. City life – to me – meant vast amounts of anonymity (sigh). What’s so important about anonymity? Well, let’s start with the significant lack of gossip.
Anyhoo.
What we don’t lack is dirty laundry around these parts. The list of who’s having an affair, getting caught drunk driving, getting caught shoplifting – I hear a new tidbit every few weeks. The bigger question really begs an answer, though…
Why do people gossip – or, listen to gossip (in my case)?
Scientists have studied social circles, norms, and values for as long as anyone can remember. In fact, one particular research group looked at evolution as a means to explain this phenomenon. Gossip is evidence that our learning has progressed (insert sideways glance). They defined this as “evidence of cultural learning, offering teachable moments, and providing examples of what’s socially acceptable…”. Back to the shoplifting comment: I was recently informed that a mom in my daughter’s school was arrested for stealing a ridiculously expensive “item” – in plain sight. Upon checking the local police blotter for accuracy (I didn’t want to ask anyone else about this, and I was sorta stoned while listening) – there it was. The story, in all it’s glory. I immediately felt bad for her children – she has more than one in the same school as my daughter. I’m sure it’s embarrassing – the gossip is starting to trickle down to the kids. YUP – mine asked if I heard. UGH.
When gossip is looked at as collective criticism (serves to warn others of the consequences of actions: cheating, lying, stealing, etc.), it does take on a different undertone. Historically speaking, it serves to keep people in check (morally). Physically, gossip (good and bad) fires up the prefrontal cortex of our brain. This is crucial for our ability to analyze and navigate complicated human behaviors.
So, gossip as a good thing – have I confused you? The answer isn’t a simple yes/no response. Some believe it’s beneficial, but only for specific reasons. As in, it’s a bit like constructive criticism. When gossip promotes cooperation by spreading important information – this is a good thing. Does your reputation truly precede you – in most cases, absolutely. However, what we tend to forget is that circumstantial gossip does not paint a full picture of whatever is going on with someone (back up to complicated, human behavior). Let’s revisit the concept of shoplifting – this is (almost) always a sign of something much, much deeper.
Remember the ‘Burn Book’ in Mean Girls? This is where my brain goes when hearing the latest/greatest. Frankly, I take most things with a grain of salt and don’t overly enjoy this past-time. My reasoning is quite simple: what goes around will eventually come around. At some point, you’ll likely end up being at the center of something FUH-KING ugly – be it divorce, rough break up, etc. Sometimes, the way in which you chose to be a non-participant in the blah, blah, blah comes back in these moments. Integrity in numbers – be accountable for your actions, and own up to mistakes.
We all make them. That’s the truth.
~SM