Culprit until time runs out
The clock is ticking, as relentlessly as the hours before. It’s the middle of the night and the clock on the wall is ticking.
What a burden, such a heavy conscious, isn’t it?
If it were only that, you‘d be sound asleep.
And in consequence, so might I.
I can’t pretend not to be tired. The day was long and busy. No, the fight for this night was not decided during the day but at its end:
I had a friendly chat with colleagues. Exchanging ideas, plans, the state of projects.
It started oh so confidently. Until the lightning.
So dramatic again... „lightning“ was simply a sudden realization (which hit me like lightning): one detail, one project point, one optional – probably totally not optional task... did I do it?
And how probably totally not optional was it now?
Repercussions for the entire project, for the entire team. Because of a small oversight on your side. Totally avoidable, all the more dire.
The clock on the wall is ticking, George is nagging. As relentlessly as the hours before. And no chance to check how optional and dire.
They will remember and they should. It’s bad. One sleepless night? More likely the first of many.
Tick tick tick... will they remember? For how long?
I wouldn’t. But you will. But I will.
You can’t forget, you can’t escape, you can’t forgive. Yourself.
He’s not even trying to hide the double–standard. So strong is his grip on the game: I could – I would – forgive a thing like this. No evil intent, no clear big warning in the requirements, an oversight. A human one.
But your standards on yourself aren’t „human“ level.
They sometimes are! But you don’t want be to see this, do you?
Not at this hour, at tick tick tick o’clock.
The hour doesn’t matter. Now, tomorrow, always.
Not the hour but the company. I’m alone and tired. I’m easy prey and victim to your ticking. Right now I’m the entire world and you blame me worth of one.
I would forgive, I will forget. Life moves on, unimpressed by time seeming to tick the same way it has been as long as I remember.
We still don’t know if it was crucial or optional. You never bothered: guilty until proven otherwise and even then.
The only thing truly optional are your beating – and the battery in that clock.
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