Far more to lose
Who has never forgotten an umbrella in a bus? Or maybe a piece of clothing in a locker? Nothing to celebrate, a loss stings, and we move on. If we truly liked the item, it's harder, of course.
This week, I lost precious presents I received. And it stings a lot harder.
And it should. After all, you can apologise as much as you want, that won't bring them back.
Hard for me to argue with George here. It won't bring them back. And I'm sitting here, feeling “bad”. And by “bad”, I mean an entire bag of subtle uneasiness. My stomach feels punched, the corners of my mouth drop when I think about it, and time slows a bit.
And all of that: for just a few things. Not even family heirlooms.
Talk it down. But they're gone. You received presents and now they're gone. Is that how you treat what others handpicked for you?
Not on purpose.
Let me remind you who gave them to you and how much they meant to you. Memory incoming...
And on and on we go.
I seem to have lost far more: I also misplaced a level of light-heartedness. Today is a shade greyer.
Just what you deserve.
And obviously what I believe I deserve. A penance I deep down believe to endure now. I'm sitting here, prosecutor, judge, and executioner in one punched stomach.
Looking at this post, you can add commentary to the list.
Which brings us to the last thing I lose. First the presents, then light-heartedness, and now time. Being mad at myself changes nothing.
But it is the right things to do. It shows that you care. Don't you want to care a bit more?
You know, I actually do want to care a bit more. But about myself now. We came full circle of “bad” and could only continue to repeat the loops, gaining nothing, wasting time.
Let me give you some memories again to trigger you...
No thanks. I have a better idea. Let me use the time to call the person who gave me the things. I bet we can create some new memories instead of dwelling in the past. I lost, it stung, now time belongs to the present again.
Next post: “In the twilight of sickness”
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