I am just a human, struggling, like most of us, to get by in this world. I started to write things down to cope with some big feelings and now I'm sharing them.

The Struggle of the Shade

I have always been so ashamed and afraid of taking. Because if I am taking they will think I have nothing to give. And if I have nothing to offer then I AM NOTHING. I am invisible, a shade in the background, unnoticed and inconsequential.

The irony is that I give, and I give so readily that I am turning myself into the ghost I was so afraid of being. I give so that others will see me, love me, and keep me around, but when I look in the mirror, I don't see me.

When I look in the mirror, there is nothing but a hollow husk. A shell that once housed a vibrant soul that burned brightly, and a kind spirit that loved so often and so fiercely. The problem with something that burns so brightly is that it burns out in a flash.

So, can this ever be rectified? Can you ever get back the very essence of your soul after you've given so much away? Must you learn to take – Take away from someone else as everyone has taken from you?

If that is what it takes to be whole I believe I will always be empty.