Talk to Fa

I can’t help but wonder what it would be like 
if he weren’t in my life 
if he were a loving person
if he had the emotional capacity to receive me 

I wonder what it would be like 
if I could cut a tie with him
if I didn’t have to be on the receiving end of 
the manipulation and the projection

I wish I could wipe all that off my memory
and from my subconscious 

I wonder how I would have turned out 
if he weren’t jealous of what I had that he didn’t have
if he didn’t stop me from being who I am 
and instead, if he just believed in me
and supported me loudly and lovingly

I wonder…