sex ed with taylor

what's the difference and why does it matter??

kink
kink is basically just an umbrella term that refers to any sexual interests outside of the “norm.” what is considered the norm, however, is determined by the individual. consider stuff like edging, hair pulling, BDSM, group sex and choking—these can and are all considered “kinky,” but depending on the individual(s) involved, the “norm” of those things may vary.

fetish
fetishes do fall under the kink umbrella. however, the key difference is that a fetish is a requirement—it is necessary for someone's sexual enjoyment and arousal. kinks aren't always necessary for someone to get off, fetishes are. there are lots of kinds of fetishes: form fetishes, media fetishes, or even fetishes focused on certain body parts (feet, most commonly) or certain types of partners.

key differences
there are two key differences in kinks versus fetishes.

the first is that kinks are usually for exploration purposes and enhance sex while fetishes have been established as necessary (meaning they can't “enhance” sexual experiences because fetishes determine whether or not the experience even happens or exists). this means that a kink can turn into a fetish, but a fetish isn't kink in the sense that kinks are optional, fetishes are required (remember, though, that fetishes are under the kink umbrella).

the second and most important difference is that fetishes can unfortunately become dangerous and/or harmful. if not “regulated,” they can become more and more extreme and consequently more disruptive. take the example of a voyeurist, Bob: ultimately, Bob's sexual satisfaction is contingent on finding a partner(s) that will engage in voyeurism. if Bob sets out to find a consenting partner with his interests, his life could potentially be consumed with finding a partner, therefore becoming a disruptive fetish. if Bob, at any point, decides to take an unhealthy approach to voyeurism (spying on people without their consent), the fetish becomes dangerous.

people who are consumed by their fetish often seek psychological help, and the more disruptive and dangerous cases are usually diagnosed as fetishistic disorder.

glossary

edging: refers to the practice of getting as close possible to orgasm, then slowing or even stopping stimulation so as to not orgasm

form fetishes: fetishes involving inanimate objects (i.e. high heels)

media fetishes: fetishes involving specific material(s) (i.e. leather, latex, silk)

“certain types of partners”: this refers to the fetishizing of races, nationalities, etc (a widely-known case of this is Asian fetishizing). remember, unfortunately not all fetishes are harmless.

“regulated”: this is a general term for obtaining consent (from all persons involved) to engage in the fetish. many fetishists will have established forms of consent such as contract—this is also common of BDSM practitioners.

voyeurist/m: the practice of gaining sexual pleasure from watching others when they are naked and/or engaging in sexual activities. when not consensual (meaning the person is spying on people who are unaware they are being watched), this turns into voyeuristic disorder.

fetishistic disorder: involves having a fetish that cause stress or impairment to the individual and/or harm to others