How to be not too evil

Got an ugly virus because I was too stressed-out lately. Probably because I have barely interacted with boys in the last 12 years. Since I can't work today, I will explain why I'm such an ableist or however they often call it, knowing what I know.

1. Transference

So, transference is pattern recognition from our past interactions. Normal people probably just call it “vibe”. I never liked that word. When people say “trust your gut”, it never applies to me. Because I was wrong all the time so I don't think that's how I should do things. However, they might be partly right. I shouldn't ignore first impressions, but use transference to investigate further.

For example, I feel angry or aggressive, the person might have a paranoid personality. If I feel bored as heck, the person might have an obsessive personality. I'm quite a bit narcissistic myself, so I actually prefer people who are on the healthy side of narcissism. If I feel sad, then the person might have a depressive personality.

This is where all the advices from family and friends go wrong. They said I should go out and meet new people. Where I should do exactly what I already did and am doing now. Judging people through their online writings. People have more chances of tricking me in real life with their magical social skills. I'm way more dangerous with a computer than without it.

2. Risk Calculation

Why can't you just be kind to everyone?
Why do you make fun of people who have illnesses?

Being kind to everyone is kind of expensive and I have always been frugal.
People who preach about kindness should first tell me what's the definition of it.
Because to me, kindness to a paranoid person is not to feed into their unrealistic narratives. Kindness to an obsessive person is not to tell them buy a CBT workbook. And kindness to a depressive person is not to tell them things can be worse.

In fact, when you call everyone darling, validating all their pains and sufferings, praising their public insultings as moral clarity and think that's the kindness-to-everyone you're so proud of. I see someone who can't deal with their own personal conflicts and never has any real intention to get to know a person more than superficially.

Since it's a constant of making judgments at every waking minute, I have to calculate who is worth the effort and how much of it, before I actually do something. And the result is, most of the time, it's not worth it. So I might want to be mean constantly and be really kind occasionally.

Of course, in most real-life situations, neutrality and talking like a robot is the best approach to keep a civilized environment and not to betray yourself, also to keep a real job if I have one.