Sense of self

When r/aspergers says they feel emptiness, it's not a symptom of autism, it's a well-known sign of narcissism. Someone else needs to tell them, probably better soon. Because that site has been blocked here and I can't witness their delusion anymore.

When we talk about sense of self, or identity, many would think they are sets of prominent personality traits we show to the world. But sense of self, actually, has just as much to do with the environments and people around us as it does with ourselves.

For example, I was very serious in high school because showing emotions would be exploited. Back then, I would really want to be seen as a softy as well, besides being swagging and other things. But no one could see it, hence the suicidal tendency.

Or when I worked in a job that was more in tune with my feelings, my intellectual side was neglected, I felt a lot stupider. I tried too hard to appear smart sometimes, which is the thing I did not do when I was in an environment that supported it.

Obviously the ideal scenario would be an environment that fulfills both. But I don't think it exists. I'm just happy I talk to people twice a month.

So how does all of that have anything to do with narcissism?

We want to be recognized for every part of us. I guess there will be some very lucky people that are accepted fully. Most people are not that lucky. Some of us have to settle with being accepted only half, while hiding the half. It’s not ideal. But it can be the most realistic option we have.

But being accepted is only meaningful when we show people our true self. And that would come with risks. Risk of being rejected. Risk of being made fun of. Risk of being exploited. You can’t tell people to just “be yourself”. You also can’t tell people not to trust easily. Because how hard is supposed to be realistic? That’s the decision they have to come to themselves, and with it, the consequence they will face.

But to a person who can’t accept even themselves, how would they present to the world?

They act kind when they mean harm. They act they don’t need people when they feel dependent. They act above it all when they feel incompetent. It does not necessarily make them cause more harm than the average person, although some of them do.

We all have sadism. We all need people. And we all have limited talent or capacity. When our friends can see our pettiness and still like us, we don’t think much of it. When people stay with us after our mistakes, we don’t think much of it.

But they already set for themselves that they are perfect, they feel the need to perform, to hide every part that they deem ugly while the rest of us consider normal.

The result is, some of them maybe even extremely socially successful. But none of the true self was showed. What’s accepted was a performance. That’s the emptiness.

But even with those of us, who are more accepting within ourselves, the need to be fully seen, when unmet, would still cause loss. That’s why some of us are always looking for people who share our experiences.