Transactional Kindness
Being both popular and hated in junior high offered me many interesting interactions.
I don't think I have trust issue, or at least I don't understand what that means. Making judgments is evolution 101. And being unable to trust becomes dysfunctional only when you alienate yourself, and not just because you don't have the same interests with other people.
The reason I hesitate to accept help is, most of the time, people are dishonest about their intentions, even without their own knowledge.
Why do you think parents with over self-sacrificing tendencies also often push too hard their children to academic success?
Why do you think “activists” spend 2 minutes of critical thinking to tell you to believe someone because of their gender or a mental illness they have?
Why do you think someone wants to hang out with you because they think you should come out of your shell?
Why do you think someone's altruistic business ideas often line up with what profits them the most?
Selfishness is not the problem. The problem is the denial of it. And when someone denies selfish stakes in their offers to help, any actions will be justified.
What comes out of it is parents' refusal of their kids to be anything less than successful. “Activists” happily destroy someone's career. “Activists” happily “validate” someone's destruction because they are too busy being kind to read the materials. “Activists” happily spread nonsense because they are too busy being hyper empathetic to think about the consequences. (Mentioned them 3 times for personal beefs.) “Friends” are disappointed that you refuse their “help” to become someone else. And business owners are more than willing to destroy someone's life because their cause is for the good already so just get over it.
Actually I only spend 10 minutes a day being bitter and the rest is relatively happy. Because I do have hope and I met reasonable people all the time. But I won't agree with the whole “we shouldn't be judgemental” or “let's spread kindness everywhere”.
And I can accept your kindness, but you will have to tell me your selfish desires first.