Vulnerability, probably
It's not that Brene Brown was wrong about vulnerability or that I don't think highly of her. It's the problem that no one has a handbook of what vulnerability is. So we often see the over-display of whether arrogance or being a victim or being a justice warrior. And none of those are convincing. Because we are all multi-dimensional.
Different people and different situations raise different emotional responses and in real-time. Insisting to be just one thing means denying others. And it will certainly have consequences.
No I wasn't using avoidance coping because I thought emotions were weak. I used it because anyone who ever dealt with sadistic individuals knows that they prey on emotional reactions so let's not give them the satisfaction. Over usage of it is problematic. But even then, I had a wide range of emotions to give. But it had to be with specific people and situations. When you call everyone “darling” and think it's your hyperempathy speaking, I have to ask a question: “Is your problem neurodevelopmental, or personality?”. Because anyone develops empathy relationally knows that it's not genuine. And the fact that you can't tell the difference between real empathy and a performance certainly says something about you.
Even when we are alone, all the internal dialogues are formed in contexts of relations with other people. So every day I have different voices as responses to different audiences I have in mind.
And because empathy is the recognition of our own emotional states in others' lives, sometimes it sounds like I'm talking to you because I am. Do you know which notes are for you?