The Warden's Dilema
There’s only one way to keep a secret. But you won’t like it.
I wonder, Mr. Warden, how many have you let slip?
I know this better than anyone how to keep those pesky prisoners ... out of sight. I know this better than anyone because even I wouldn't know where to look. I’ve kept my secrets buried, deep, so deep ten men with a shovel wouldn't reach. There's no sunlight where my secrets are kept.
And before you assume you know the answer, Mr Warden, let me ask you this.
How many of your prisoners have escaped under your watch? I bet you don't even know, do you?
Be honest.
How many were granted early release? Perhaps it wasn’t even your fault. You've been trusted too long, people expected too much, and now the prison of your own making begins to overflow with inmates... It's even conceivable that a little paperwork mix-up, after a few too many glasses of liquor, oh, I'm sure a long, hard day as Warden, you feel you deserve it, right, one less prisoner to deal with?
More than likely, though, you trusted the wrong guards, negligent hiring, through either blind faith or convenience.
“No, stop right there!” The simpletons will mutter unenthusiastically as they open the front gate to allow the prisoners to go free one by one. Mischievous smiles will dance on the faces as the sparkle of satisfaction and betryal lights the eyes of the guards. Who's efforts, if it wasn't for the seriousness of the matter, would be almost comical in their 'attempts' to stop the monsters from escaping the prison they'd sworn their loyalty to you to protect.
Now here's the kicker, it'll be too late before you notice, Mr Warden. With all the overcrowding of cells, you'll never notice the missing heads during morning count. And I, although I might be the only one, don't blame you. Because I was once you, a Warden.
And it is for this reason I take no pleasure in telling you you'll never find them again. There is no fixing what has been done. Oh, I wish for your sake and my old self, it could be so. I wish they left echoes loud enough to follow, allowing you to haul them back to their cells, and throwing away the key. But this is no ordinary prison. Once they scale the barbed wire, slip past the spotlights, or simply stroll out the front gate. It’s over for you, Mr. Warden.
You’ll never find them. They're criminals, masters of disguise. Oh, you’ll hear the rumours. Sightings in nearby towns, whispers of unrest. But you won’t catch them. Because once they reach the outside, they’re no longer prisoners. They’re ghosts.
Infectious. Alluring. Whispering into the ears of the locals, poisoning their minds, turning them against you.
“How could you!” they'll scream.
You'll protest, “It’s not my fault! I trusted the guards!”
“We trusted you, Mr. Warden. You were meant to make sure they never saw the light of day.”
And, I hate to tell you, but it only gets worse.
Because the other prisoners are watching.
They learn.
They wait.
They plan their escape.
I’m sure you've still got prisoners locked away right now, I bet you do, clanging the metal bars of their cells, howling to feel the fresh air, longing to press their lips to the ears of the first stranger they walk by, sirens to the town's local gossips.
Oh, you're feeling it, aren't you...The unbearable weight of reality...crushing your lungs...making it hard to breathe. Thinking back to all those prisoners locked away... but somehow, you can't place them all. How many? Which of your trusted guards are watching out for you? More importantly, which guards are culpable in the prison breaks...
Which brings me back to my point, Mr Warden, there’s only one way to truly keep a secret. So, let me save you with some friendly advice. As I have saved myself. The answer is simple, really. Follow these steps, and the ecstasy of freedom will follow.
First, never trust another to be your Warden of your own prisoners.
Second, never be the Warden of another.
Thirdly, never trust the guards with the keys to the cell doors.
But, most importantly... forget all three rules and accept only the last.
You must kill your prisoners and bury them so deep, ten men with a shovel can't find their bodies.