theshitdetector

This post is not what you think it's about. I have never climbed Mount Everest, nor do I intend to in the near future, but I was once offered the chance to climb the mountain with a group of friends to support a cause (I can't quite recall what it was about!).

At first, I thought it would be fun. I was in my 20s at the time, excited about trying new things, so I said yes, of course, without much thought. I was maximizing my choice for fear of regret later.

A few weeks later, I found myself feeling miserable for having said yes! It wasn't the kind of yes I had hoped for, and I realized that I was just another member added to the group of people going to Mount Everest to contribute my experience in filmmaking (free of charge) to serve someone else's goal. In other words, I was being used to advance someone else's agenda.

There were many cool and great people in the group, and I ended up becoming friends with a lot of them later. But what initially interested me was the feeling of being chosen for this opportunity, until everything went downhill.

I was asked to contribute my time to film a series of videos for the group. Then I was asked to edit those videos. They kept asking for more and more of my time, interrupting my work schedule, and I didn't understand why. The requests kept coming and coming. A member of the group asked me to cover the costs of the trip myself, but I didn't have that kind of money at the time.

One day, after receiving yet another call asking me to film some interviews, I reached my breaking point. I said, “NO!”

I opened my Gmail and started a new email. I didn't think a lot about what I was going to say. The oneliner was very simple to write.

My email went as follows:

“Dear X, please consider me out of the project. I can no longer participate or provide my services. Thanks, Motaz.”

The next response I got was an email requesting explanations, but I didn't have any explanations.

Well, I had explanations for myself, but I didn't have the energy nor the will to share them because it didn't matter.

I didn't have the urge to explain myself. Nor did I desire to explain myself.

I didn't want to explain how important and valuable time was for me. I didn't want to explain why time spent adding value (or at least feeling like it) meant the world to me. I didn't care if the trip was going to be cool or fun or whatever; I just didn't feel it.

I felt compelled to explore my inner world by spending time working on a new script for a movie. I was looking for a challenge, an intrinsic challenge.

Would explaining myself then have made a difference? I didn't feel an inkling of regret, not even 1%.

I would have probably missed a few social media posts and a few experiences, but I knew that what I was building was far greater than any regret. Contrary to common belief, I had no FOMO when I said no. I knew I was building inner strength by planning for a future career in writing, making a movie and telling stories.

If I didn't feel the urgency, then when would I have?

If I didn't say no, when would I learn to say no?

If I didn't follow my inner thoughts and feelings, when would I be honest and true to myself?

This is what happened:

The group ascended Mount Everest. I ascended Mount Soul.

It was far from reach then, and it is still out of reach today. Just like building muscle mass, it's a long-term approach, an infinite goal that is never fully utilized. It was hard then, still hard today and it will always be hard.

Physical exertion is tough too, but emotional exertion is even tougher. You can train for both; life needs both, but you have to start with the ascent to Mount Soul. You have to work on your inner strength. Sometimes you have to go down to go up. Sometimes you have to say no to say yes. Sometimes you have to let go to gain more.