Two Minute Cancer Hacks

Eat chia seeds. Lots and lots of chia seeds. Also red dates (aka jujubes), stinging nettles, blueberries and mango. Kale. Protein. Low fat.

You will crave fufu and egusi, razor clams, frozen raw whale and narwhal, snow fungus, ube everything, and a fried chicken sandwich from Popeyes. These cravings have not been brought into laboratories, placed in Petri dishes, and looked at an under a microscope. They are a no.

Follow a strict routine of early waking, meditation, creating before consuming, exercise, work. Maintain a clean and organized space and home. Recycle. Change your oil every three thousand miles.

Be spontaneous. Follow your joy. As long as your joy doesn’t involve scrolling on your phone, staring at the ceiling, or chocolate of less than 97% cocoa content. Follow your joy if your joy is hiking the Sierra mountains on the weekends.

Make everything from scratch. Make everything by hand. Do not drink alcohol unless it is red wine.

Pray. Quietly. Inside your own home. Seek vengence. But not a wrathful, bold vengence. More like a passive aggressive one.

Take out the trash. But, like, literally. As in: remove items from your home that have been used or dirty and place them on the curb to be picked up by sanitation worker. Not as in, remove people, energies, and activities from your life that are disruptive, draining, and toxic.

Always look smart. Don’t worry about being smart.

Sleep. For six to ten continuous hours. At night.