more of the same
As I mentioned in a blog post not long ago, my days all seem the same. They blend together, routine on top of routine, different details, but overall the same stuff again and again.
Some people take vacations to break up their time, some people go do big, enthralling things to make life, in general, more exciting. I don't. I'm here, where it seems I have always been, and that's how it is. This is more than likely the reason why I change apartments every few years – I can't just do the same stuff over and over at the same LOCATION. And everything is virtual (aka none of it real) – just finger mashing a keyboard to the extent that my thoughts are exercised from my brain, and I can “get through” another day.
I'm not feeling sorry for myself, I just hate my routines, is all. Some people start their day not knowing HOW it will go, what will happen. I have a pretty solid idea of precisely what will occur in my life.
So let's run it down:
I get up, start the day (sometimes 7:00 AM, sometimes earlier, later, whatever)
I make coffee
I try to hammer out a blog post (sometimes it goes well, sometimes it is short)
I eat some form of light breakfast (usually fruit)
I waste time and BS on the Internet (generally, the same five or so websites over and over again – Feedbin, Read.write.as, Github, check ProtonMail, etc.)
I take out any trash I have from the eve before out to the dumpster, if need be
around noon I check the mail
hammer out more blog posts
map out what I will do for the evening in terms of web development (aka modify some notes in Standard Notes)
clean up around the apartment
snack on more fruit or cook lunch
await evening to fall (this includes either listening to music, reading blog posts online, watching YouTube videos, etc.)
when the sun sets, I get a boost of energy, and have even more coffee or/and soda, and get into the dev environment (a setup of windows and tabs open on the external display), figure out what I need to be grinding on for the evening
do that until 1:00 AM or so
go to bed
do the same thing the next day
Things that are not that happen, too, but they are spaced out, not often, and uneventful usually. Be it going to clean up junk at a relative's house, maybe have lunch with friends/family, whatever – it's very foreseeable, predictable, and considering the periods of time which I am on my own, by myself, they seem almost like a minor distraction from whatever monotony I have happening in my day-to-day life.
Most things I imagine (scenarios with which to live) seem exponentially better than my regular life: group home, prison, insane asylum, whatever – it'd be a remarkable change from what I get into (or don't get into) on a regular basis.
I've met people like this before in life (and all through life), that are in their 30's somewhere, and they feel terribly bored, depressed, whatever, and they end up joining the service. I already did that, fxxxed that up, so that will not happen. Not that I could be a serviceman even if I wanted to (due to lack of dedication, and refusal to listen to anyone/thing besides my own conscience).
But that's life for now.
Be back later
Issue. 5 of The Zine Around The Corner ready for download now