tmo

Been a few years since I visited the album by Old Funeral called “Our Condolences” (1988-1992), and not long into the second song and I turn the album off. I think I am “off” or turned off by Black Metal, Death Metal (in this case Death Metal with future Black Metal musicians), and Deathcore, and music of that nature. For now I am turned off by it. Reminds me very much so of the desolation and eternal nothingness of a cold winter, that I sat alone I my apartment, only to emerge to visit my dying father, and see his health dissolve, and then return home to isolation.

FFS my life sucked for those years.

I may never forgive him. I loved him, and even have a large (colorful) tattoo in memoriam of him on my right forearm, but for someone to negate health, exercise, gluttonously devour food and alcohol with total reckless abandon, even when partaking in kidney dialysis, etc. – they are committing the most atrocious form of self death, ever.

We had to watch it all :(

In other news

I am having coffee and will find Ska, or Old School Punk, or something else to listen to. A confirmation of living and love, not desecration of it.