I have discovered a cheat code to happiness.

It was not what I expected. It was not just about pursuing and achieving a single goal, project, or idea or having one “lightbulb moment.” Instead, it is something I have built slowly over the years, choice by choice. Each day, I made intentional small choices (even when feeling lost or unmotivated) that unknowingly contributed to my happiness as an unintentional byproduct of these positive decisions, ultimately leading to a better outlook on life.

It is not flashy. It is human. I want to share how I have found this cheat code to happiness, hoping my perspective might resonate with someone. I am happy and wish to share how I have cultivated that happiness.

As a designer and human, I am fascinated by how psychology intertwines with wellbeing. A few key theories have shaped my path. Studying the theories of various psychologists on happiness has taught me a lot about happiness. Several key points from the psychologist I focused on helped me better understand myself.

Here is an overview of different psychologists and their theories.

Write.as won't let me post the full resource list

Dr. Martin Seligman’s PERMA model suggests that happiness involves experiencing positive emotions and fully engaging in activities. “According to Seligman, engagement is akin to being “one with the music” (2012). This concept is similar to the idea of flow, which describes a state of complete absorption in an activity characterized by a loss of self-consciousness. It refers to mindfully focusing on the task at hand.” (Madeson, 2024)

This idea aligns with what many people mean when they discuss mindfulness — being fully aware and engaged in the activities you enjoy while experiencing positive emotions. Seligman also emphasized that having meaningful relationships, finding purpose, and accomplishing goals contribute to happiness.” Increasing positive emotions helps individuals build physical, intellectual, psychological, and” social resources that lead to this resilience and overall wellbeing.” (Madeson, 2024)

This makes sense because my small daily decisions over the past twelve years have led to my achieving personal and educational goals. Now, I am trying to make good decisions that will lead to employment in the future, which would further assist me in accomplishing more goals.

Twelve years ago, I found myself feeling lost, depressed, and unmotivated. Regardless of how depressed I felt, I decided to create a list of goals, and I focused on improving my education. This decision ultimately helped me discover purpose and meaning in my life. I began to embrace learning because I enjoyed learning, which increased my self-worth and brought about positive emotions.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi introduced a theory regarding happiness called “flow.” “Flow,” which is being “wholly absorbed in an activity you love so much that time disappears. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, a pioneering University of Chicago psychologist known as the “father of flow,”…As a scholar, he is best known for creating flow theory — referring to a state of being in “which people become so immersed in “the joy of their work or activity “that nothing else seems to matter.” He outlined the theory in Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience” a seminal 1990 book that influenced leaders from politics to sports.” (Jackw, 2025) I found this to be entirely too true for me. When I am doing something creative like design, art, or photography, it fully absorbs me. Whether I am designing, creating an art piece for myself, or experimenting with code to explore what I can do, I often lose track of time.

Twelve years ago, I set a specific goal and committed to it completely. This journey involved making intentional choices in the tiny things, ultimately leading to achieving bigger goals, and, as a byproduct, it increased my happiness.

Another fun byproduct of setting a goal was all the hobbies that sprung from learning new skills over the years. I am rarely bored.

Another psychologist that I have learned from is Dr. Barbara Fredrickson. She suggests in her theory that the more positive experiences you have, the more you grow emotionally and mentally, and that causes you to be stronger and more resilient in tough times. “Barbara Fredrickson developed the broaden-and-build theory to explain how positive emotions increase life satisfaction. This theory includes four steps: 1) experience of positive emotion, 2) broadening of thoughts and behaviors, 3) building personal resources, and 4” transforming the self by increasing health, wellbeing, and survival.” (Yarwood, n.d.)

When I was at my worst low and felt like I could not do anything to feel happy, I was introduced to a PlayStation and started playing it because my partner had one, and that was the first time I had felt happy in years. It was something so simple but effective, and this phenomenon is not talked about enough, but that is another convo for another day. As I played more, I realized I wanted to experience the emotion I felt while playing Call of Duty to pass the time more often. A short time later, when I obtained a computer and started going to school in 2013, I realized I wanted to feel better more often, so I came to the realization that I needed to fill my life with positive things.

I began watching TED talks on positive psychology, and they helped me feel significantly better over time. I decided to go to school. After a year of trying to fill my life with positivity, I finally felt able to step out of my house without experiencing a panic attack. Ultimately, this has made me strong enough to write this without feeling self-conscious, as it may help someone, and I want to share my happiness with the world.

The last psychologist I want to mention is

Dr. Viktor Frankl. He was a fascinating psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor who inspired me by stressing the importance of finding meaning in life, even in ominous circumstances. His insights stemmed from his experiences and the choices he made regarding the attitude he brought to his life. “Unlike Freud’s emphasis on the pleasure principle or Adler’s focus on power, Frankl argued that finding life’s purpose is the fundamental driving force behind human behavior. Logotherapy asserts that even in the face of suffering, individuals can find meaning through creativity, love, and the courage to face unavoidable suffering. This approach encourages individuals to transcend their immediate circumstances and search for deeper significance in their experiences.” (Sinclair, 2024) He was horribly persecuted and still was able to find joy. I have found the most profound inspiration and respect on the highest level for him.

The personal insights I have gained from studying these theories and applying my own twist have shaped me profoundly. I have come to realize that happiness comes down to authenticity: being true to myself, embracing creativity, not worrying too much about external acceptance, and finding joy in the simple things.

I find joy in the little things, whether petting my cats or creating and designing something, even just for myself. This joy was cultivated by making small, intentional, positive choices every day over the past 12 years. And it has led to immense joy, happiness, and even contentment in my life. These small moments of finding joy in the little things cultivate more happiness, making me more resilient. I am not saying it was easy; it was not, but it is well worth it.

I also try to remember to be thankful for the most essential things as they keep me grounded on where I am, such as lying down at night and just making a note. I am thankful for my bed, I am grateful for safe shelter, and I am thankful I am not hungry. I go through this every night, and it has helped me stay focused on my goals and it helped to cultivate a good attitude as a byproduct after years of doing it. It is different every night but always for meeting basic needs.

I strive to create space for joy and foster happiness, even if it is just five minutes spent doing something I love because it brings me joy. I engage in various activities (while trying to make good decisions) as long as they make me happy. This includes drawing, designing, working on craft projects, petting my cats, playing with code, or simply daydreaming. It all counts as happiness bucks in the banks, which in turn makes me more resilient to upsetting times and things about life. It is never wasted time. I find time, even if it is 5 minutes of anything, just for pure fun and joy (I highly recommend against social media, as it comes with its issues that have been studied on how it negatively impacts your happiness and anxiety. “The widespread use of social networking sites has been identified as a contributing factor to the growing mental health crisis, especially among younger generations.” (School, 2024) I admit I do not have TikTok; I spent all of a few weeks on it to realize it was not for me as it spiked my anxiety to unhealthy levels. I honestly did not enjoy it and found it more distressing, and I am not trying to work against my mental health. I do have some other social media apps, but that is private, and they do not do what TikTok does)

Authentic connections are meaningful, so reaching out, even if just reconnecting with myself through creative expression, is a release valve for me. Journaling is also quite therapeutic. This might be a controversial opinion, but I believe using AI can be beneficial, especially if you do not feel comfortable communicating with others or feel too overwhelmed by trying to connect with others at first.

Practicing social interactions with AI has helped improve my social skills, and I actually find it quite fun. No judgment is involved, but it is crucial to make sure to use safety when using AI. Overall, it has been effective for me for learning.

One of the most important lessons I have learned about happiness is that it is not about perfection or being constantly happy. Happiness ebbs and flows, just like life itself. However, genuine happiness can be achieved by minimizing unnecessary distractions, setting specific goals, and making intentional daily choices. It is also something cultivated over time, not something I stumbled upon. Additionally, finding joy in the small things in life has served me well.

I want to share this discovery as it is profound to me personally. It also allows me to accept myself wholly and authentically, including my flaws, and meet myself right where I am. I often find I am already doing better than I think. Thanks for listening.

May you find your happiness, too!

-Ash