weepingwillow

Now the time of people passing you from one set of arms to another has come to an end.
The hard part starts now.
You wake up alone, more alone than you have ever felt.
You close your eyes and want to sleep until the nightmare stops.

You go about your days, you make the same motions, you use the same inflection in your voice.
You “go on”.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for the nightmare to end.

You lose connections with some people who know you are not ok and don't know how to help, You make new connections with new people who don't know your soul is broken and don't feel the need to comfort and fix you.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.

You go over every part of every moment of every last word spoken. Did they know? Do they know now?
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.

You can see every change that should have been made, every altered step that would have directed this path to a much more desirable place. You see every failure to protect what was born to protect you.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.

You find joy and laughter and love and it hurts you. You cant share it.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.

You fall apart again and again when you realize the little parts you held so close are falling away.
a sent a vision, a taste, a feeling, a sound.
Every time you close your eyes you wait for this nightmare to end.

Years later you open your eyes with the full realization that they have been closed this entire time.
Waiting for this nightmare to end.

Now you can begin again.

Mothers are magic.

Stormey