doubts
this week has been filled with negative thoughts.
brutish,
cruel,
harmful
(self-thoughts)
about:
my face.
(are my eyes even?)
(are my lips nice enough?)
(is my nose small enough?)
my body.
(am i too skinny? or maybe fat?)
(am i weak? or just too tired?)
my skin.
(the marks on my skin, they're
too many, too large, too
prominent, too ugly to be loved.)
my feet.
(are they small enough?)
(are my toes pressed against
each other enough?)
(will they work once i'm old?)
my hopes.
my plans.
my wishes.
my desires.
(i don't wish to talk about
any of these because
although possible, they
don't seem real enough
for me)
(doubts about)
the future.
(worries about)
what i had for breakfast.
what i didn't have for lunch.
what i may have eaten for dinner.
where my life will lead.
whether i'm too old to
accomplish anything.
whether any of it is worth it.
doubts. doubts. doubts.
it's been hard. i've struggled a lot.
but i got out.
i crawled my way out of the
trenches of tristesse.
i swam to shore from the
sea of sadness; defeated the
doldrums of depression.
and although i am weak and weary,
exhausted and somewhat hesitant,
i am ready to forge on. to keep
fighting. to not let go of my:
hopes.
wishes.
dreams.
desires.
&(.)
aspirations.
it feels good.
good to be back.
good to be in the light.
life is worth living.
godspeed.
c. w.