Stories. Not a blog.

I feel really overwhelmed right now. I am questioning every decision I've ever made regarding my Endeavor and this (not a) blog.

Is it worth it? Will it be worth it in the long run?
Does my effort matter? Will it matter in the long run?

How can I know? And what do I need to tell myself (if anything, just in case I'm wrong) in order to get rid of the anxiety and fear I feel right now?

I'm panicking.
(but I'm not spiraling, which is good.)

I've tried to be as open and transparent as possible with who I am, how I feel, how I think, etc., but I feel like a fraud, an imposter who is eventually going to get caught.

But get caught doing what?

Telling the world about how I and only I feel?
Telling the world about how I and only I process things and think?
Telling the world about how I and only I experience the world I'm living in?

When I “get caught” what are people going to say?

That I'm a fraud, and a liar, and a nobody? It's not like they haven't said that before...or have they?

What do I have to fear when no one knows who I am?
What do I have to lose when no one knows who I am?

Everything, apparently, if I “get caught”.
Everything, apparently, if someone finds me out.
(it is cruelty i'm scared of?)

Ugh.

Why am I so afraid of putting a face to the (to my) name?

Is it cowardice?
Is it (really) fear?
Is it a mix of both?
Or something else, perhaps more sinister than I could possibly imagine right now? (it is cruelty i'm scared of?)

Should I continue my Endeavor and Stories. Not. a blog. or should I give up (now that I've finally (after doing so much) started)?

What to do?
What to do.

I'll read and think, and maybe cry a bit too.

If I figure it out I'll be here (i'll be back).
(maybe in ten minutes, a day, a week, a month.)
If not then this is goodbye.

Godspeed.

C. W.