On My Mind (No. I)
Here are a few things that were on my mind all of last week ((Nov.7-13, 2021). (If I find this soothing I may start doing this every Sunday!)
I loathe and despise Christmas with a passion, and I hate that my family loves it so much (that last bit is me being a selfish dickhead). The holiday itself is super lame and participating “in it” feels like an obligation and a burden. This year might be the year I officially say “FUCK IT” and end up not celebrating “it” or buying anything for anyone. December is a pretty difficult month for me as is and Christmas makes it even worse. The stress and anxiety is awful and my depression sinks to the lowest of the low during this month. Over the years I have tried hinting and outright explaining why I don't like this holiday (and December as a whole) and no one ever seems to listen. My pleas as supplications go unheard and things continue as “normal”. I am considering renting a hotel room and taking my dog with me; so that I can be alone and at peace from then until the end of the year (or at least the 24th and 25th). Maybe if I'm able to “do” Christmas on my own terms my opinion of it will change? We'll see what happens...
My birthday is coming up in a few weeks and the depression that comes with that time is slowly but surely making its way back (to me). I wrote a post about this last year and that's that. It's just been heavy on my mind. I made plans to spend that day with my sister, but I KNOW I won't be a very pleasant person to be around on that day so I may cancel and go to the museum by myself again. My sister is an angel and I lover her, and that is exactly why I don't want to drag her along with me on that day. My birthday is the worst day of the year and just thinking about it makes me feel awful.
This whole working from home (overreaction) thing is gonna take some time to getting used to. I suppose some of the benefits include me not having to get out of my pajamas in the morning, being able to eat whenever I want, and not having to be around my co-workers, who I find to be a little too joyful. (I wish I could explain this last bit but I can't. If I did I would have to reveal the type of office environment I work in and I'm not about to do that! One day, when I no longer work there and I live in NYC, I will explain why I don't like being around them. It's not because they're rude or mean or anything—quite the contrary, they're very sweet and gracious, it's just....they're....gaaarrghh, I can't say it without giving myself away, sorry!)
My tattoo will be three years old November 24th :) ...and I am thinking it's time for another one. I've had an idea in mind for a while and now feels like the perfect time to do it. I may wait until 2022, but we'll see. I'm very excited about this.
I want to keep Stories. Not a blog. going (and I want to write in it consistently), but “quality” over quantity will always reign superior. My posts are awkward and dumb as is and if I wrote down everything that came across my head WHENEVER it came across my head this place would look like a virtual landfill. I need to find a good balance between keeping SNAB interesting and active without me (or you, if you stop by often) getting bored and exhausted with the stuff that's on here. My most viewed posts are always those in which I tell stories (thank you!), but with quarantine and my ever-changing emotions it has been very difficult to get out there and do stuff that's worthy of writing about and then “publishing”. We'll see...I have a ton of stories I have yet to write, so there's that!
I haven't worked on my MS in a while. I have a very detailed and beautiful outline that makes me very happy and excited every time I look at it and I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT I WANT TO HAPPEN AND HOW I WANT IT TO HAPPEN but I just don't wanna do it. I don't wanna write. FUCK!
I need to find a way to distribute more stickers. They are so beautiful and gorgeous and I am so excited for them to be in that hands of people who will enjoy and appreciate them, but I'm such a coward when it comes to distributing them! I'll have to pluck up the courage to leave some out there soon...
The look of this (not a) blog is driving me crazy! I am not a CSS wizard so customizing this thing is proving to be a HUGE PAIN in my petunia. Would I be stupid for hiring someone to work on some CSS for me? If anyone who is reading this is a tech wizard...feel free to laugh. I've tried learning CSS a few times but nothing sticks! I've considered leaving Write.as for this very reason, but we'll see...
Animal Crossing: New Horizons has been on my mind all week! I may crack and buy the damn thing soon, and I may also write a post about how agonizing it has been thinking about this stupid little game!
Godspeed.
C. W.