Cicadas, Moonlight, and Meds
In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
What’s the deal with early mornings? They used to be filled with creative energy. The last few weeks they have become the darkest hours of the day. The hours from 5-10 feel like a plague of existence.
It started with the panic attacks I suppose. Then the Escitalopram stayed the worst of them and in their place is this overwhelming darkness in the early morning. It’s quite crippling.
I thought this stuff was supposed to make me feel happy. But I reality it just clamps emotion. Fewer lows, but also fewer highs. 😒
The yard is pleasant this evening. The tragedy in south texas has born us very pleasant weather here. The sun is very hot, but the shade makes for exceptionally pleasant sitting. A cool breeze puts my mind at the beach, only instead of being the smell of salt and the sound of gulls, there is the wet of vegetation and the sound of cicadas.
The bees are hard at work. They are indifferent to my overgrown yard. The depression has moved the yard and garden to the absolute bottom of my priorities. It amazes me how in just a few weeks, my neglected garden can go from sprouting a few random weeds to 8' tall sunflower stalks. Surely if one were dedicated enough, they could sit and watch the plant growing in real time.
Bah humbug! The mosquitoes have found me! And they love to chew on my flesh.
I have retired to the bedroom to recover from the onslaught. It will take an hour before the maddening itch subsides. They have focused on my left hand and leg. 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 9, 10...
Eleven. Eleven welts thanks to the cloud of my little blood-sucking friends!
Benadryl will help in the short term. The key is to not scratch. Once the skin breaks, it's a whole affair! Calm calm calm. That helps with the itch. As will a nap!
An hour later and I'm supine on the smaller of our two couches, legs dangling while we watch a program about Jesus. It's moving and well made, making me appreciate doing all I can for someone that I've never met in person, only via reputation.
I flip on the news for a minute and see the death toll in South Texas has been adjusted up yet again. Sigh... I think about all of those families and friends who are affected. Truly, we do not know what tomorrow will bring. So why worry? Might as well make the most of each day.
Speaking of making the most. We decide we are tired of these walls and now find ourselves parked at the park. I wish we were teenagers again. These few hours would be very different than they are tonight. Tonight we just talk. About the world, the stars, the man fishing in the dark a few hundred yards away.
No make-out session tonight. Though, it is suggested. One of us still doesn't have the stamina for much more than sitting quietly and talking about the old days. That will have to be enough. And at least we have that. I think of those I know who cannot enjoy even this simple pleasure. The presence of a partner. A friend.
The night has drifted to the early morning here next to the lake and the moon, waxing gibbous, is high in the sky, not full, but as brilliant as an oblong pearl can be and casting that blue-white light across the meadow and water. A perfect night for an impromptu swim. But we have been too old for that foolishness for most of our married life. These days, we prefer our swims to be in a pool or the ocean. Something about lakes lost their appeal long ago. Maybe it's just the lakes here.
But the moon does make it inviting.
No matter, we find ourselves back in our seclusion and bundled here in bed. It is time for prayers and a good night's rest.
Good night, all.
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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