How To Feel Infinite
No one ever realizes they're a wallflower.
What if my last infinite moment is past?
I, I will be king
And you, you will be queen
Though nothing will drive them away
We can beat them, just for one day
We can be heroes, just for one day
A film that has grown closer to my heart every time I watch it. My wife doesn't care for it, but I've grown to identify deeply with it's characters. And I fall a little deeper in love every time I watch it. I am not talking about the characters.
The thing is, when you're a Charlie, the world makes sense from your point of view. All the puzzle pieces just go right where they should. But you don't realize that not everyone sees it from your perspective. I think part of emotional maturity and awakening is stepping to the side slightly which let's you comprehend that there are very different views.
Charlie will always love Sam. His whole life, no matter where he goes or what he does, Sam is going to be right there in that special place he carved out for her in his heart. Because some people just can't be forgotten. They can't be put away.
And that's just part of being Charlie.
“My doctor said we can’t choose where we come from, but we can choose where we go from there. I know it’s not all the answers, but it was enough to start putting these pieces together.” — Charlie
“This one moment when you know you’re not a sad story. You are alive, and you stand up and see the lights on the buildings and everything that makes you wonder. And you’re listening to that song and that drive with the people you love most in this world. And in this moment, I swear, we are infinite.” — Charlie
Charlie — “Mr. Anderson? Can I ask you something?”
Mr. Anderson — “Yeah.”
Charlie — “Why do nice people choose the wrong people to date?”
Mr. Anderson — “Are we talking about anyone specific? Well, we accept the love we think we deserve.”
Charlie — “Can we make them know that they deserve more?”
Mr. Anderson — “We can try.”
“I am very interested and fascinated how everyone loves each other, but no one really likes each other.” — Charlie
“Why do I and everyone I love pick people who treat us like we’re nothing?” – Sam
“You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.” — Sam
Patrick — “Hey, everyone! Everybody! Everyone, raise your glasses to Charlie.”
Charlie — “What did I do?”
Patrick — “You didn’t do anything. We just want to toast to our new friend. You see things, and you understand. You’re a wallflower.”
“I don’t know if I will have the time to write any more letters because I might be too busy trying to participate. So if this does end up being the last letter, I just want you to know that I was in a bad place before I started high school, and you helped me. Even if you didn’t know what I was talking about or know someone who’s gone through it, you made me not feel alone. Because I know there are people who say all these things don’t happen. And there are people who forget what it’s like to be 16 when they turn 17. I know these will all be stories someday. And our pictures will become old photographs. We’ll all become somebody’s mom or dad. But right now, these moments are not stories. This is happening. I am here, and I am looking at her. And she is so beautiful. I can see it.” — Charlie
“If my Aunt Helen were still here, I could talk to her. And I know she would understand how I am both happy and sad, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.” — Charlie
Depression is a helluvathing
Patrick — “My turn! Let’s see. Let’s think, Charlie.”
Charlie — “Truth.”
Patrick — “How’s your first relationship going?”
Charlie — “It’s so bad, that I keep fantasizing that one of us is dying of cancer so that I don’t have to break up with her.”
“My life is officially an after-school special.” — Patrick
“Welcome to the island of misfit toys.” — Sam
Patrick — “Why can’t you save anybody?”
Charlie — “I don’t know.”
“Let’s go be psychos together.” — Sam
Charlie — “Sam, do you think if people knew how crazy you really were, no one would ever talk to you?”
Sam — “All the time.”
Charlie — “There is so much pain. And I—I—I don’t know how to not notice it.”
Dr. Burton — “What’s hurting you?”
Charlie — “No, not—not me. It’s them! It’s—it’s everyone. It never stops. Do you understand?”
Chris — “How are you feeling, Charlie?”
Charlie — “Good.”
Chris — “No, you know what I mean. Is it bad tonight?”
Charlie — “No, no. I’m not picturing things anymore. Or if I do I can just shut it off.”
Chris — “Well, you know, Mom did say that you have good friends now. And maybe if it does get bad again, you can just talk to them. Yeah?”
Charlie — “Yeah. Especially Sam. She’s great.”
Deep Dig Quotes
“I know who you are, Sam. I know I’m quiet and—and I know I should speak more. But if you knew the things that were in my head most of the time, you’d know what it really meant. How, how much we’re alike, and how we’ve been through the same things, and you’re not small. You’re beautiful.” — Charlie
“Touch my friends again, and I’ll blind you.” — Charlie
“Look, my name is Patrick. Either you call me Patrick, or you call me nothing.” — Patrick
Charlie — “My aunt had the same thing done to her too, and she turned her life around.”
Sam — “She must have been great.”
Charlie — “She was my favorite person in the world. Until now.”
Charlie — “Are you having a good time?”
Sam — “Not really; how about you?”
Charlie — “I don’t know. It’s my first date; I don’t have much to compare it to.”
Patrick — “What?”
Charlie — “I feel infinite.”
Charlie — “Well, I have 1,384 days to go. Just so I say it to someone, high school is even worse than middle school.”
Book Quotes
Charlie — “She kissed me. It was the kind of kiss that I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know that I was never so happy in my whole life.”
Charlie — “Patrick and Sam didn’t just throw around inside jokes and make me struggle to keep up. Not at all. They asked me questions.”
Charlie — “I love Sam. It’s not a movie kind of love either. I just look at her sometimes, and I think she is the prettiest and nicest person in the world.”
Charlie — “I moved to the typewriter again, and I wrote something. ‘I love you, too.‘”
“I wished I could have made her feel better, but sometimes, I guess you just can’t.”
Patrick then said something I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
“He’s a wallflower.”
And Bob really nodded his head. And the whole room nodded their head. And I started to feel nervous in the Bob way, but Patrick didn’t let me get too nervous. He sat down next to me.
“You see things. You keep quiet about them. And you understand.”
“I don’t know how much longer I can keep going without a friend. I used to be able to do it very easily, but that was before I knew what having a friend was like.”
“You can’t just sit there and put everybody’s lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love.”
“If somebody likes me, I want them to like the real me, not what they think I am. And I don’t want them to carry it around inside. I want them to show me, so I can feel it, too.”
“When I write letters, I spend the next two days thinking about what I figured out in my letters. I don’t know if this is good or bad.”
“So, this is my life. And I want you to know that I am both happy and sad and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
When he gave me the book, Bill said, ‘Be skeptical about this one. It’s a great book. But try to be a filter, not a sponge.‘”
Charlie — “Sam sat down and started laughing. Patrick started laughing. I started laughing.
And in that moment, I swear we were infinite.”
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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