mainline
Even Kal-El needed some guidance.
Drugs come in many forms. No doubt you still struggle to see how making you a better person is a net negative.
But trust us when we say you are better without them. With time, you can come to believe this. In time your heart will catch up.
This version of you is a danger to everyone, including yourself.
You can only trust this is true, because you can’t see it. Not yet. Your gray betrays your childish heart.
Long ago, you felt the stupor of too much. It was then a time for austerity. Taper off the mainlining. We all understand, when you lose your way, it becomes impossible.
That talisman in your eye line became the vehicle of your undoing. It let you wonder what was going on at the other end, from here, the sidewalk ends.
Just a little more. This will be the last time.
Tomorrow, you’d stop.
Addicts always think this. They delude themselves into thinking they have some measure of power. Over the drug. Over themselves.
Illusions.
Do not worry. This is not annihilation. You understand it for what it is: that you have a flaws in your hearts that prevent you from exercising good sense when it comes to this. You let your feelings grow way out of the bounds of propriety.
You are scared. Something that feels so elevating needs to be abandoned. But this is you lying to yourself. If you force matters, you will not find effervescent happiness, but a wake of destruction that only breeds bitterness and resentment.
As long as you are in the company of reasonable adults, you are capable of being a perfectly functional human. But, left to your own devices, you only cause woe.
When it’s all said and done, you may only be a broken man. But, you will be able to sleep at night understanding that if you don’t exercise self-control, there will be a cost. This is a lesson, you REALLY must learn. You need to learn it so you don’t ever this to another again. If ever there is even a chance.
Marillion may be tough... but the reasons are clear. The reasons are logical. When emotion gets in the way, nothing clears the air like the light of day and knowledge and a desire to do good.
So, the pill it is.
You are likely confused and frustrated that you can experience months of elation, euphoria and happiness, but the only solution, the only way forward, is experiencing life through a lens of desperation and loss. This is temporary. It feels very permanent, but trust me.
Where’s the serotonin? The oxytocin? Dopamine?! Norepinephrine??!!!!
Think of this as a chemistry lesson.
You may not know who are any more. Like all the stuff you were, the person you became at half a century... it is a lie somehow. A figment of collective consciousness. But that is the whispers of the wicked one. A trap set years ago and you were both bait for the other.
This will teach you that complacency is a dangerous practice when your enemy is so powerful and patient.
The shadows will persist. But so shall you.
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When you’re 10 million years old, this will all make sense.
