mistakes
I couldn’t resist unblocking you. Now I’m paying the price. With worry. Wow.
I'm overthinking things so hard that I fell into a panic yesterday. I didn't know if you got my farewell text message with the link to the 'Wolf In Wool' post from Nov 6. Part of me hoped you did, but then I saw it as an unkindness because it linked back to months of my writing. So I spent most of the day revising so it wasn't so targeted right at you. Then I started panicking that you'd land here, which is ALL targeted right at you.
It is an unkindness, because I know you are trying to heal and everyone wants us to stay apart. That's now we grow and heal, right? Forget each other? All I'll say is, I hope you are better at cauterizing connections than I am.
How come others say how dangerous we are for one another, but I fail to see it? I can’t. I think some little moment will be fine and it just isn’t.
Traumas and the pressure of this world I guess are taking their toll. It’s like the logical portion of me is still here, but the passionate heart of has crashed into a wall. What's worse, I can't tell this to anyone.
I've learned that opening up about feelings only leads to problems. No one knows how to give you a hug and tell you 'be patient, my friend, it will be okay.' I think that's just a matter of the wrong people. I am in an emotional desert. Either it is mental illness (mine or theirs) or... maybe i'm just lost in the woods today.
No zeal, no wild abandon. Just sunrise after sunrise.
I’m in much worse trouble than I thought.
Faces, WLF, faces. If I just front long enough, I'll get through this all. I can do anything for 30 years.
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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