Nightjob
Longing for the daylight
Day 500 of a sick wife.
It's not as bad as that. But it FEELS like it. She isn't a good patient and communicates poorly. A very sick person generally doesn't want to be up and about, but rather happy to sleep as much as possible. But not her.
She is improving. We visited a doctor Saturday and he gave her something for nausea and thinks she has a virus of some kind. It makes sense, and that also means she should beat it sometime this week. The meds helped a LOT with her comfort. I just want her to feel better.
She turns 65 next month. So, we're entering new territory. Being married to a geriatric woman is something I never imagined. But here we go.
We're currently looking to find her a reliable primary care physician. Her last guy was about 10 years old and after about 8 months, got a better job somewhere hipper that paid better.
So we have a couple of options we are discussing. It will be good to get someone who gets to know her and understands her odd way of communicating—or not communicating.
But that will be later this week. My hope is that by the time we get to that point, she's healed up. This last setback has really scared me. I'm not sleeping... I just lay awake and imagine the worst possible case scenario (brain-eating bacteria, a keto acidosis, septicemia... that sort of thing). It makes for SUCH a great night to just freak out and pray.
I've decided to try to find some therapy. Something is definitely wrong with me. Maybe it's just long-term depression, maybe it's the last year. Maybe it's her changes creating new pressures. So many maybes. I need to find out before we end up unfixable or homeless.
I'm sure it won't come to all that, but unless I can displace the demons with productive thinking and activity, they'll keep whispering sweet catastrophes into my ear.
BUT, all indications are that we're going to be fine. Sometimes you have to hit obstacles in life. But not borrow anxiety from the future. Just take one day at a time.
Doing things like watching 'Spies Like Us' with Chevy Chase and Dan Akroyd. It's a 1985 doofus comedy about two goofballs who get thrown into high level spy games as decoys. I'm surprised Rotten Tomatoes only gives it a 35%. It's been one of our favorites the entire course of our marriage. We watch it a few times a year.
Yes, the jokes are dumb. But I miss comedy that was just funny for the sake of being funny. SpaceBalls, Trading Places, Naked Gun, Johnny Dangerously, Clue, Three Amigos!... We love them all and watched them many times.
The 'Doctor, doctor, doctor, doctor' bit is an endlessly enjoyable greeting with more than a few of my friends.
I noticed for the first time on Saturday night’s viewing that there is a Doctor Zhivago film poster in the state police office. IDK why this gave me such a thrill. Or what made that set designer add it.
Comedy. Comedy always makes the dreary seem better. Brighter some how.
She may still be suffering and struggling, but at least she can still find it in her to laugh.
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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