No Words
Stark raving madness this way lies
There aren't any words to fix this.
You can't salve a broken mind with kindness. You sure as hell can't salve it with absence. Though no doubt that puts you at ease. Why, after all, should you consider adapting to me when I've been the ditch-digger you neeeded?
I'm tired. I'm tired of you all. I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
You clapped for me tonight, for the most mundane of tasks. It was actually insulting that you applauded my ability to blow my nose. Perhaps that is why you struggle—you make special the mundane. Practice the mundane until it comes without thinking. If you make every thought special, you will never master anything.
For the half that I know half as well as I should like, I am sorry. You'll miss me when I'm gone. As for the rest, you'll complain that I left you in the lurch.
Mental illness is a weird thing. He who is crazy can't be sure what is real and what is imagined. Am I askew, or are you? It's very wild, I can say. Like Alice in wonderland. Who was madder? She or they?
Sometimes I am Alice, sometimes I am Wonka, sometimes I am Walter. But I can only ever imagine you as a villain. Interesting that I excuse my own shortcomings so easily, but your's I demand accountability. Why is this? It feels—imbalanced.
I met a woman recently who was denied a great dream at a young age. She did not acquiesce and sit timidly waiting for rescue, she sallied forth and claimed the life of which she dreamed. And it kills me that I have sidelined a lifetime waiting for a Red Sea Split, a water from rock—that I am confident will come, but not confident when.
Insult ot injury, she writes with wit and humor. Anyone can pen maudlin, but to glean smiles and initiate laughter, that's a hell of a skill.
#confession #grousing #oldmanisms #essay #100daystooffset #writing #travel
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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