Simulated
I have this recurring thought that I am living in a simulation.
I sometimes wonder this is an indication of a coming psychosis. I have a specific self-image: that I am a capable hard-working, salt-of-the-earth man with a better than average intelligence but also enough humility to not lord it over others. I find intelligent men and women very attractive and are drawn to them in a way that I am not to others. Stress, I believe, may be preventing me from separating inaccurate thoughts and feelings from real ones. I am confusing my perception of reality with real reality. And I am finding it harder and harder to be patient with people that I perceive as simply an aggravation, producing no real value to my life other than to cost me time and emotion. I feel guilty about this, and may other things. But, I’m too much of a coward to talk about my real feelings to anyone. I fear the fallout and repercussions of telling another living human how I really feel about the people in my life. And I feel it is dragging me down a path that I both dread and enjoy.
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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