Temple of Accumulated Error
Trying to forget
But doing a piss-poor job
Untitled 22/11/19
Trying to forget you,
Or, at least not dwell.
I hear your voice over and over
Well, hell.
Well, hell.
Ignite
As i exit and float high above the world
I’ve died in that moment
But I do not know it.
If I could travel back
To when
We lost everything
The touches
The teases
The squeezes
The smells
Well, hell.
Yes, indeed,
Well, hell
Your leg aloft
Begging to be stoked.
Perfect foot –
Sinew
Muscle
Bone
A sculpted trophy.
I want to draw you
Like my French girls
Sweet laughter
Assaulting intelligence
Genius
Body divine
Pink aroma
The beers kept coming
One
After another
After another
When you replaced
The first one,
I knew then
You were doing
It again
Just like
That night
In the red shorts.
I could have stopped us
I didn’t want to.
The amaretto ensured that.
I was a man on a train
He knew was going off of a bridge,
But was so happy
Getting off at the station
Was never an option.
OH!
STOP her, sweet prince!
But I supposed
That’s like the lighthouse
Asking the surf not to
Dash itself upon the rocks.
The ocean crashes two rocks together
Leaving behind polished stones.
Mostly.
Sometimes it leaves
Just grains of sand.
They part and never again
Share the same beach.
I stopped and shed my inner skin
I should have known
I should have known right then
The crash was coming
And I needed to stop
But another beer came ,
I said ‘f*#k it’
And twisted the top
Why oh god
Didn’t I stop.
Didn’t I stop.
Oh, that’s right,
The amaretto.
Then from the stairs
I heard the growl!
Again, it was a chance,
Called to my senses
I should have crawled
Like a man.
But the darkness had me fully
In its grasp.
It seemed to me, like light,
This darkness.
A current that carries
The mind and body
Swiftly out to sea.
I was in the murky brine
Adrift
Nitrogen narcosis
Martini effect
Exploding to be so close to
My white whale
We know Ahab
Sails to his doom
And every time
We think he’ll come
To sense.
To go home to
A fat wife and a fire.
But the darkness
In his heart
Wants him
To
Meet
His
Fate
Then came that mirthful stumble
And that moment in the dark cold
Forbidden
Touched
Stroked
Held
This at last is too much.
I finally feel the heat of the sun.
Gossamer glistening,
The heat is incredible
My wax is melting
Hell.
Dive, Icarus dive.
It’s too late for us
Only I don’t
Know it.
There’s no where to go from here
Because you
Don’t have any sense
But you know what you want
And nothing
Will stop your desire.
Where is my Lord in this moment?
With his breaking heart.
Me, with my ‘never’.
I am become Peter.
Is this the mettle test?
I am failing
Like a fatigued bridge
Carrying too much load.
I WANT to break,
Like a dam.
And flood
The world.
But,
All those poor souls,
Who shouldn’t live
In the plain.
But have nowhere else
To go.
Hold
Hold
Hold
Hold
Another straw.
On the machine
You’re stitched
In revelry.
Completely out of control
Tangled beauty,
Gordian knot.
The greedy man
Reaches down,
takes advantage.
The tenderness
Triggers a glow
In the small of
My back.
I learned long ago what that means.
When I reach in
And pull you free
I am tumbling through
The universe
And everyone else
Has gone.
I’m on another plane of existence now.
Not heaven,
Not Valhalla,
This is hell.
I’ve got what I want
Right here
In my arms
But it’s never been further
Away than in this moment.
I feel hot breath
On my neck.
Hear a sultry voice
Say those words
Even kings long to hear.
Desire stated.
Not implied.
Explicit
Not implicit.
Sending dopamine
Into overload;
I.
Want.
To.
Make.
Love.
To.
You.
My universe starts anew
I am at the moment of creation.
Something new and never expected.
For joy
Desire
Mystic self-transcendence
I want to make love to you
I want to make love to you
I want to make love to you
Every teenage fantasy
Denied by a sense of right
A sense of propiety
Suddenly fulfilled.
It is a chorus of voices.
My dreams
My dreams
I know in that instant…
They should stay
Dreams for a reason.
Forbidden fruit
Is only desired so long
As it stays forbidden.
A lesson my parents
Learned for the whole
Human family.
Recalled from my revelry
I tell you,
“You belong to another,
As do I.
And we both belong
To a greater power still.”
Your response is an impassioned
Sigh as you collapse into my bosom.
I carry you to the couch.
As I puddle you there,
I am generous with my touch
And through your smile
I steal back the kiss you took from me.
But I repay with
A compound of passion,
French depth
Finds polished porcelain.
The hot wet muscle at work.
The fire starter.
I struggle to breath
And inhale you
Simultaneously.
I am a thief tonight.
Taking what I have no right.
No hero. Only villain.
You are so drunk
You’ll never recall this.
Or maybe you’ll empty
Your heart to your therapist
In tears and regret.
Or to our Father.
But I’ll never forget
Just like I never have
Every time.
All etched in my mind
I don’t ask for it to be cut away,
Though I should.
I relish remembering the perfect
Curve of that red dress.
Wondering what lay beneath
The stroke of my foot
Those photos of perfection
Where everything
Was laid bare
The stroke of your hair
Your lingering fragrance
You’ll never know how oft
The stroke was made for you
Or the seed poured out
The gold bikini
Was like a dream.
At which I feared
To look.
Turn away Amaziah!
Seeing a siren alone
In the hot tub
Did I think me Homer?
Wanting to hear her
song but not succumb.
And sun kissed in black
Wanting to learn them real
So I hurry from my longing.
25 years longing and patient,
Imperfect must bear this.
A work of art sitting upon my shelf.
I fear your mind has been
Broken
And cannot be remade.
And I
Am the craftsman.
But.
Next day,
Sober
You apologize.
I accept!
Let’s move on!!
Keep playing our
Dangerous game.
I pretend your my sister
I your brother.
The way we should.
We drink the wine
Like we are friends
Even though we’re in love.
I know it’s not sane.
We already both have the best,
But hearts have broken our minds.
“I screwed his brains out”
Was your confession the next day.
Unexpected. Uncouth.
I sit
Mouth agape.
Fully alert.
Fully.
What am I supposed
To do with that information?
Frustration at best,
Destruction at worst.
You remind me
This has happened twice.
Holding two fingers definitively.
And you say
I’m the only one.
I know you and the things you said
When we first met in 1996.
“Don’t ask, don’t tell”
Am I really the ONLY one?
But god it feels good to hear,
Like I am something special.
Not just a short bus rider.
Even now many months since,
I wonder why.
Was it just chemistry,
That drew you to me?
Is there such a thing as a soul mate?
Are we not all puzzle pieces,
That fit with enough
Work and practice?
You read to me,
Songstress, vocal maestro…
Siren.
Of Octavia’s vulnerability;
Valeria feeling lost;
How she wants the
Lights on when making love.
How she doesn’t pray!
I think Valeria would be in
Love with me as well.
Serenaded with words
Of Charlotte & Wilbur
Haploid and diploid parts
You frankly discuss your most
Intimate heart.
You’re dangerous.
You challenge me.
You make me feel
Important.
Not just a useful
Thing.
I’m a beast,
A Monster.
I am the darkest,
Worst part
Of his self consciousness
I am his ego
His libido
His unfettered
Effing desire.
Monster.
Villian.
No palace is kingly enough
For the man
Determined to be
Poor.
And now…
Now you’re just
Someone I used to know.
If I’m being honest,
I know this is right
And good
And the best thing
For everyone.
But I feel abandoned.
You were something
Unique in my life.
Not perfect,
But enjoyable.
We are quite different
You know.
Your discipline would find
Life with me aggravating
And my personality is grating.
I do not have patience
Like that of Job.
And my means of
Living is tenuous.
There is no pot of gold.
You would find my
Irish temper
And self-loathing
Quite tedious.
Which is why I wonder
Why.
No, I’ll always know:
You’re a lush.
You drink a drink.
The you want another
And another.
And after too many
You flush
And become
Eagerly amorous.
Just like the light
Of my life.
I hear you are her twin,
And it’s true for the majority.
In the sober light of
Day, neither of us is right
For the other.
And it’s good
That we have gone
Our separate ways.
That is the right thing to say
Though, I’m not sure I believe it
Because I just keep on
And keep on
And keep on
Thinking of you.
Relieved and devastated
That I will never darken
Your doorway again.
Your home was such a comfort for me.
And clearly, so very dangerous.
Your words were always a salve.
But, i always felt we were imposing.
And now I know that we were.
Lighthouses do not
Exist for themselves.
But to save those many
Sailors from the watery depths
Of hell.
Discuss...
I live here
Thanks for reading and sharing my beautiful lie.
— Go back home and read MORE by Wolf Inwool
— Visit the archive
I welcome feedback at my inbox
