Troubled sleep and troubled dreams.
Morning storms are the worst storms because you do not yet have your bearings on the day.
Here i am in an empty bed again this morning. We started together last night, but I guess she couldn't sleep and retired to the couch.
I do not wax lyrical or feel like writing prose or drawing or thinking about how to attack the day—I just ruminate on failure. My own of those who are supposed to be my friends.
I am bitter. It has become not a passing state of emotion but a lingering companion made worse by my ever decreasing ability to mask my stress and unhappiness with cheerful countenance or clever wordplay.
You know what the worst part is? No one notices. All these people here and no one has said, “you haven’t been yourself for a while, I thought you’d like to talk about it.”
Weird. Wow.
Even in a diminished state, I seem to still be able to present a stable exterior. Impressive. Maybe i should be an actor.
To be or NOT to be.... and all.
Where’s the love? Where’s the support? No wonder quality minds and hearts all leave this place. It’s been distilled to some kind of… null space. If you have heart, imagination, passion—it will be worn away…
Maybe that’s just the anger taking.
It's weird waking up dark. And easy to wallow in it.
“Hey Siri, play something invigorating.”
It's time to shift out of this damned gear.
Overture by Daft Punk starts its slow burn.
Oh, interesting choice, Siri.
We went to the movies a few days ago. Matinee. It’s cheaper and fewer people. One of the highlights was the trailer for Tron: Ares. I have always been a fanboy sucker for Tron. The 1982 film thrilled 10 year old me and even four decades later I don’t care about the films flaws. Even at Ten I was captured with escapist fantasies and the idea that an entire world could exist within the confines of a small place box was irresistible.
In hindsight, I realize the potential to see that world as a prison. But child-wolf only saw light cycles and superpowers.
I even accept the narrative failings of 2010’s Tron; Legacy. No small part of that is Daft Punk’s driving soundtrack. It is absolutely… what word describes wanting to get up and run a hole in the wind? It just makes me feel amazing. And the visuals are one gorgeous shot after another.
Ares looks to continue and expand on that. Trent Reznor seems to be taking Punk’s themes and dialing them into the digital stratosphere, dousing them with gasoline and setting them on fire. They are driving, rich snd chewed to digital pieces. Conceptually it’s fantastic.
Where 1982 was crude and simply visually and musically, 2010 was incredibly complex and polished to auditory and visual perfection (too bad the narrative couldn’t keep pace… whee have all the good writers gone?). Not 2025 introduces a world that has gone beyond those two. Like a JPEG that has been saved and resaved over and over, each time introducing new loses and corruption until digital chains ensues.
For you Luddite readers, imagine taping over a VHS a hundred times.
Ares sees the digital world of Tron spill into our real analog lives. And with that all the systematic perfection Tron was tasked with producing is infected with the real. The imperfect.
Can’t wait. Summer 2025.
But while we wait for Tron, we are entertained by films like Marvels Thunderbolts.
Now I know you are probably asking why I drug my wife to something like that on a Friday afternoon. The answer is, she did the dragging.
She likes the distraction. She like’s characters like Francis Pugh’s Yelena Belova. She likes Sebastian Stan. So when Thundebolts released she wanted to go.
It’s a good movie. Not great, and pretty forgettable. A popcorn flick. Loud and brash and lots of nonsensical fighting. Very popular things. The actors all do great and are easily the best part. Their camaraderie. Learning to get along and fail in the process.
This is my favorite kind of storytelling, the requirement to work together to solve a problem. I absolutely love watching people learn to collaborate and cooperate to overcome. I think this is what life should be. And Thunderbolts does a good job of doing that.
But, what REALLY got me was the depiction of light vs dark in the movie.
SPOILERS AHEAD!!
You’ve been warned.
Early on a character is introduced named ‘Bob’. He is a bit too obviously fish out of water, but whatever. Bob turns out to be the heart of the film.
We later learn he’s had a bad life. Abusive father, emotionally absent mother, a failure in life who turned to drugs when he couldn’t control his bipolar personality.
While in Southeast Asia for ‘more drugs’ 🙄 the film’s bad guy (played by Julia Louis-Dreyfus) scoops him up for an experiment to try to make a new superhero. She sort-of succeeds.
She manages to create a Superman-esque version named Sentry. She can control him and use him and manipulate him for her own purposes (presented as idealistic) and fill the hole left by a bunch of missing superhero’s.
But as Bob’s own strength is enhanced, so is his mental imbalance. Sentry becomes an invincible Golden God and quickly slips into an accompanying god complex narcissist.
His super-ego out of check and unfettered, his character is terminated by some kind of kill switch. But in doing so, the bad guys release the dark side of Bob’s super self, The void.
The Void is darkness. His power is that he can zap people into the shadow zone of his mind where they exist in a single moment of trauma over and over again. I guess for eternity. And I’m not sure what The Void gets out of this. It’s not explained.
In the best part of the film, the team all volunteer to get zapped and fight their demons to save their friend. It’s glorious. Not visually, but emotionally. Those are the kinds of friends I long for. Not just here when it’s convenient for them, but the kind who put their life on hold for you. Even risk it.
What really stood out to me is the depiction of light versus dark of the human psyche.
I don’t recall ever seeing such a clear depiction of what it feels like to be up (Sentry) and down (Void).
Feeling invincible and beautiful and confident is tremendous and powerful. But it only takes the right words at the right time to kill that creature and resurrect the darkness that convinces you that you’re a worthless waste of space. Just as powerful, but with a different intent.
My wife had taken a restroom break and missed the most rending part of the film, when the team pushes through their own baggage and risk their lives to tell Bob that he isn't alone. That they are there with him, together. That he doesn't have to fight the darkness on his own. They will do it together.
And to the filmmaker's credit, Bob is a regular member of the team for the rest of the film. Seemingly useless, but important to them because they are friends and friends are there for each other.
I was bleeding all over the place.
Everything I've been through, that's all I want. For someone to give me a hug and say, “I love you, you aren't alone. Tell me about what you are going through”.
But sometimes, you just join the wrong superteam.
Sometimes you're just floating 'round in a tin can, far above the moon. Planet Earth is blue, and there's nothing you can do.
The Tron Legacy Soundtrack sure helps though.
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Thank you for coming here and walking through the garden of my mind. No day is as brilliant in its moment as it is gilded in memory. Embrace your experience and relish gorgeous recollection.
Into every life a little light will shine. Thank you for being my luminance in whatever capacity you may. Shine on, you brilliant souls!
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