Reflections on life, truth, faith, love, introspection, and transformation.

I was.

I was insecure in my willingness to commit 
Because I got hurt so badly
Because I doubted in one moment more than any other
There might be no match for me

I was terrified of being absorbed into someone else's life
It felt safer to seek relationships that didn't quite work,
Allowing a sense of safety, maybe even a renewed feeling of control over my own life
Then again maybe my standards were high because I was resolved not to settle
Probably both

I moved further from authentic emotional experience into abstractions of reality
A sort of manufactured emotional pornography 
Further from nature, gender, truth, and faith
Attempting yet again to leave the garden of Eden

I feared acceptance
Terrified of disappearing
Needing to hide again to survive
As I woke up each day in someone else's story

I was. Were you?