You, The Pendulum
There’s no middle ground with you.
Yunior Rivas
Do you know what it’s like to be tethered to someone like you? To swing violently between wanting to hold you and wanting to hate you?
You’re the storm I keep running toward, knowing full well I’ll drown. The fire I hold my hands over, foolishly convinced it won’t hurt.
I’ve tried to hate you. I’ve sat with my anger, let it fester, let it build until it felt sharp enough to cut you out of me. But it never works.
I forgot who I was before the extremes you pull me to. Without the desperate longing and the frantic rage, the mornings aching to hear your voice and the nights spent drowning in tears. With you, I wonder if balance is just a vast indifference.
I keep swinging back and forth until I’m dizzy, exhausted, unresponsive to anything but this rhythm we’ve created.
I’m trapped in your orbit, caught in the force of everything you are. What would be left of me if I stop swinging. A life that feels too motionless.
Someday the pendulum will slow. It will stop completely, by choice or by time. Until then, you’re the proof I feel it all, the full spectrum of mortality.
For now, you’re still my burden and my blessing. My torment and my testament to life itself.