dispersion
Day 36
When life gets rough
I close my eyes
Then I wake here
Sitting cross legged
I feel the waterfall on my back
The warm sun and brilliant sky before me
The weight of each droplet hurts
A thrumming pummeling wave
Travels over my
head
neck
Slamming down my back
I don't try to end the torrent
Breathing slowly, letting go
I embrace this
Pieces of my body start to chip away
Slow at first, then quicker and quicker
Collapsing into the water
Soon I am nothing
Just colors swirling in a pool
below a waterfall
Somehow I can still feel
Somehow I can still see
Somehow I can grow
and so I do
I let myself reach out
Let myself find warmth
Following that heat
Until I find the source
There at the hot spring
I relax and let myself coalesce
until I form into something like me again
Not the broken mass struggling
under a torrent
But
A new person having survived it
I don't do that visualization as much as I used to. But so many times I would be in board rooms or giving a talk. The eyes of people looking or when I misspoke seeing how my words missed the mark. Id go back to a cube or an open space, my small designated corner of the world. I'd put my head in my hands and I would see the above poem.
Life can be so hard sometimes and I know it could always be worse but I have this nagging feeling. That this life isn't how things should be. You shouldn't work years for the privilege of baseline economic security.
Why can't I just become a doctor or poet or artist because I want to.
Where is my time and choice? Why does it always have to be so one sided.
People are kaleidoscopes
In a world that frowns on colors
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