1:16:00 in mix 19
I feel pretty damn free. I think life is in a pretty good spot, I have plenty of things to keep me occupied, while also time to spend with friends consistently throughout the week. Putting things in context, I realize how I have a solid handful of close friends and another handful of good friends to do things with. I’m happy with how life is right now, there are some things I wish were different but nothing I can’t change or mind too much.
It’s really nice to finally be able to let go of a lot of things because they don’t matter anymore. I’ve decided it’s probably best for me to part ways as much as I can with E, and there still is a part of me that is vindictive. I’d like to think I triumph over that voice a good amount. I asked the PPL group chat what they would do in a not-so-hypothetical hypothetical question they managed to puzzle out incredibly quickly. Similar to the advice of flipping a coin to make a big decision, this worked very well because before I saw them send their responses I knew what I wanted my answer to be.
I am happy being the person to be nice to others and to be undeservedly patient. That’s someone I’m happy being. I think I want to figure out a little bit better where to draw the line, and when to be more selfish to preserve my own best interests – but I’m happy to be someone who cares unapologetically. I set my status earlier today to “This is the worst boss music” as a cute little way of notarizing how I was feeling. During a difficult conversation with E, at one point I started hearing a certain soft song I am realizing I don’t know the name of. I weirdly had a somewhat divine intervention moment, as almost right after there was a mosquito hovering around my desk. My first instinct was to swing at it, but it really wouldn’t have affected me. At that moment I wanted it to be alive, as I thought that was nicer than another dead bug. I think that had some strange parallels.