An Open Letter

Hi! I just got out of my therapy session, but I wanted to write down a couple of things I thought were worth notarizing today.

1. When facing compulsions for reassurance in relationships, ideally you want to reach the point where you can recognize “there probably is a reason, I just don’t know the reason. That’s fine, I’ll trust that there is an explanation”

For me, this was a consequence of the earlier this week small thread of posts about compulsion, and my insecurities around friendships. This made things click easier for me, as a big driving force for sending the message was wanting to know the specific reasoning behind the positive alternate thought I had. I hadn’t even considered the fact that I could just accept that there WAS a reason, without having to know what the reasoning was.

1. I have an (incorrect) belief that in heteronormative relationships, men have to be more aroused or interested in physical intimacy than women. This has been ingrained in me since I was young, so it feels ‘right’, but there are several counterpoints.

For starters, there’s no reason men should be more aroused or engaged than women, both men and women are human. There’s nothing causing men to be hornier than women, at least in every single case. But also, this belief is mostly due to media, as this is how it’s always portrayed in movies and shows. This is obviously a flawed thing to generalize to the real world, so it’s important to make that distinction.

1. At least for me specifically, in situations like the gym where I could possibly make someone else insecure, the proper way to handle it is by treating it like it’s not a big deal.

In being overly empathetic, and trying to avoid potential bad outcomes, this could end up making that happen. It becomes a problem if I try hiding the weights I’m doing, or if I try to dismiss or minimize any compliments I receive. The best way to handle it is to take it at face value and just accept the compliments. I can also just mention things about how I’ve been enjoying it a lot, or how it helps my mental health.

That’s it for now, I had a couple of others but I think it’s probably not appropriate to write them down here, at least now – so till next time! Cya ßig ♥