A slightly higher bar
One goal I made was to try doing more creative projects occasionally—these range from serious things to just small silly TikToks. I got somewhat taken aback because one friend reacted very supportively, and another person kinda ignored it. With one friend I had mentioned twice now how I had an idea and was going to make a silly video and put multiple different lures pointing out that I had done it – all short of directly saying “Hey, could you look at this thing I made?”. I get while writing this now that it’s a somewhat childish game, but from my POV with this person, I already feel like things are on thin ice as I keep getting constant reinforcement that they don’t want to be close friends anymore. I can’t help but see the pattern in their behavior. Either that or they just don’t understand that they’ve been a pretty disheartening friend for a while, but also they have mentioned this and have acknowledged it without anything changing. I don’t really know which case this is but it ends up with the same behavior from me regardless.
With the other friend, when I briefly mentioned it, they enthusiastically supported me and asked to see it. They followed up and took the time to screenshot a comment and mention it. I realized how much I felt like this person cares about me, and has a genuine interest in my activities. I don’t really feel that with the other person. I feel like with the new friends I’ve been making and the old friends that have consistently been there for me, I find myself tired of having to put in extra effort or constantly make excuses for consistent behavior.
I have a mental ultimatum for something that if it happens I should hold myself accountable and stop interacting even more. If that thing happens, I can’t help but believe that they don’t care about how I’d feel, and their selfish motivations would trump my well-being. I guess might as well write it down here as an “I told you so” for future me:
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