A thousand piece white puzzle
I hit 225x3 paused today, and I was so happy. Or I guess I think I was, I'm not fully sure. One of the first things I did was text the group chat. I thought about why I want people to be excited with me for achievements, and I think it's probably because of all the achievements that were brushed aside growing up, and I guess still. I think about the ICPC and how no friends were excited for me and how my dad just said “good.” in a text.
When I graduated highschool my dad had a business trip, and he asked me if I wanted him to cancel it. I said several times to not, and I didn't care. I did. I guess I just wanted to hurt and show myself that no one cares. It's a stupid pattern I find myself doing over and over again. I don't really know a way out.
The only real goal I've ever set for myself is ending soon – some day in March is the deadline. I'm afraid no one else will care, and I want it meaning a lot to me to be the only part that matters, but I really wish I had people who were invested in me enough to be happy and excited on my behalf. I told myself I wouldn't consider suicide until I hit 1k, and to my credit I haven't. I don't plan on it either. Just thought it was something relevant in a way.