Delulu is the Solulu
I’m honestly fairly tired, so I really don’t want to do CBT – but I probably should. With a close friend, turns out they hadn’t been following me on Instagram this whole time. This was the same friend who didn’t have my number saved for a while. I honestly don’t have reason to think they would do this intentionally, but it’s pretty ripe fodder for my insecurities to latch onto. I guess I can skip all the explaining and just get right into CBT tonight.
Situation: A close friend wasn’t following me on Instagram this whole time, and they were the one who didn’t have my contact saved on their phone.
Thoughts: I could think that they didn’t care about me as a friend and that I was not someone close to them.
Feelings: I would feel pretty shitty. I would feel like this whole time they’ve been putting on a facade, and that they aren’t really a friend.
Behavior: I would sabotage the relationship, and try to reinforce the idea that I am unloveable.
I’m going to take a second to do a quick grounding skill then continue.
Thoughts: In reality, they’ve been an amazing friend. They also are a flawed person, which is slightly unrelated here but something to remind myself of. People can have flaws and make mistakes without them being intentional or with bad intent. That being said, they forget things a lot – this is very likely another one of those things. Yeah it does kinda hurt, and that’s ok – that doesn’t have to equate to the relationship being bad. I think that’s an important distinction, so I’m going to reiterate that. It’s fine that I feel upset about it, but that doesn’t fundamentally change the fact that they are a great friend to me.
Feelings: I feel a bit sad, but not nearly as sad as the thought of them not wanting to be friends with me. I feel like I’m unlearning something toxic.
Behavior: I probably won’t bring it up to them, as I don’t know how well they’d handle the conversation – not for any bad reasons, I just don’t think they would say the proper things there. I can forgive and forget this, and I don’t end up sabotaging a great relationship.
Glad you ended up doing CBT. It’s funny how every time I don’t want to as I tell myself it’s not needed, or won’t help, and every time without fail it does. Thank you for all the work you do for me Karyios. Love you <3