Excerpt from therapy
I started off the session by talking about how I knew about things I can do to help my depression, but I just didn’t want to do them. She asked me to visualize it however it felt, and for me I said it was like I was in a river and it was just pulling me down the current. I could grab a branch or lodge something to stop myself from going down the river, but neither of them mattered to me. It didn’t matter if I was going down the river or staying still, and so there was no point of me doing anything to stop it. I think that summarized apathy and anhedonia pretty well for me, and I guess I still don’t really have an answer for that. But I think that was a very nice way of describing how I feel. Nothing really matters, if I get even more depressed or if I do CBT it doesn’t matter to me.