Fear of change
Man, I talked with my therapist today about the surprisingly shared experience of hitting it off with someone intensely and then not talking again. After talking with this girl, I was mentally prepared to not interact with her again. This time, I was happy with the experience, and I didn’t have the expectation of more, or the entitlement either.
She ended up texting again, and we’re texting right now. I really enjoy talking to her, and it’s very nice to be able to indulge the side of me I can’t show to platonic friends. Man, this shit is like a drug.
I think I’ve journaled enough, judging how I vented earlier today – I do wanna say after getting that out of my system and blasting Great Lakes by Cleopatrick enough times while scream-singing, I felt a lot better. I’m a bit worried about how people IRL see my blog, and I want to reinforce the idea of how this is meant as the opposite of traditional social media. I am incredibly vulnerable and I talk about my struggles a lot here, but this is not a representation of I how am holistically, just my bad parts. Huzzah!
Situation: The idea of sex stresses me out due to relatively recent things
Thoughts: Time to avoid sex for as long as I can!
Feelings: I feel not directly stressed, but also this makes the stress around sex worse and worse.
Behavior: I make the issue worse, as it remains mental and it builds on itself the longer I enable it.
Thoughts: It only has as much power as I give it. If someone without a dick can have great sex, there’s nothing physically restricting me either.
Feelings: I feel anxious, but also a bit free. I also feel like I’m addressing a big problem.
Behavior: I have sex again, and I start to unlearn this fear.
Man I am fucking PETRIFIED! 🥳 Good luck dude, and remember that I love you Suman. Happy early birthday! ♥