Get over it you pussy
R – 3 breaths
E – I feel bad and excluded with L and S because it feels like they consistently do things without me, and it feels like they don't invite me to do things. Let me try interjecting here with wise mind:
Emotional aspect – It sucks to feel like I've been trying to connect to these people and see them hang out in these ways without me. It also sucks because it feels like anything I have with anyone of them is shared between us all, so I have no equivalent part of something just with me and someone else. It feels like I'm a strict subset of this friendship group and it hurts. I kinda just want to cry thinking about it. Am I supposed to be in this situation and not hurt? I think I'm afraid it's only going to get worse when they move in together. I don't really feel like I'm part of this friend group. It's just 3 people, but it feels like they're friends and I'm friends with S but L doesn't really want to be closer friends with me. I just want to lay here and rot forever. Is it too much to ask to feel like a priority? Like that someone WANTS to be friends with me? More than just convenience or value? I just want to wrap my face and hide from the world. I keep hearing that voice tell me about how this is always the case, and how it will forever be. And that I should just isolate myself from the world. I'm scared.
Logical aspect – I have some things I do privately. I go get Wendy's with Lilah, and I text Sophia fairly frequently. We also work out fairly consistently together on weekends. For example baking, they share that. That's fine. I shouldn't expect to be included in everything, but I should expect to be included in a fair amount of reasonable things. Stop equating those two things. The important word there was reasonable. Don't get upset you aren't being FaceTime, but be upset you aren't being invited to just hang out or study.
S – Honestly, my intention here is to stop being so fucking weak. I'm disgusted by it. How many times are you going to indulge that stupid fucking voice telling you what you KNOW is bad for you. I don't give a shit if it's real or not, it's bad for me. I'm not some superhuman with foresight to see every bad thing that happens to me, I get blind sighted more often than not. Stop being so fucking weak to give into ritual or tradition or comfort or whatever causes you to listen to that stupid voice.
T – grow the fuck up and put your money where your mouth is. No more moping about this one.