How am I not supposed to feel resentment?
IV is pretty desolate today, almost all the food places are closed. I slept for 6 hours during the day because I just wanted the time to pass, and when I woke up I was hungry and wanted some kind of Thanksgiving dinner. Even McDonald’s was closed, and not a single food place was open.
I don’t like being such a negative person, but I don’t know how I’m not supposed to be upset and resentful towards others during the holiday season. I’m pretty jealous of people who have a family they want to go back to. Hell, even a Friendsgiving would be amazing, but everyone I know is going back to their families.
I’m pretty envious of people who have family. People they text, see, interact with, and who ultimately love them. The only time my family really comes up is when I’m in therapy nowadays. My dad’s the only person I really have a relationship with, and we send maybe a text about very practical stuff once a week. He’s never really been the kind of person to talk about anything, so our relationship is a very formal one. I don’t interact with my mom or sister at all.
I wish I didn’t have to spend this time alone year after year. I’m tired of it. I was thinking today while hungry about how maybe when I’m older and married I’ll finally be able to celebrate the holidays, as I’ll have a family then.