Nocturnal
Oh boy, I’ve started to push my bedtime to roughly 3 am, and I try to wake up as late as possible. Hopefully, this is just because I don’t want to interact with family or stuff like that, but this does end up with me surprisingly not having much free time.
I noticed I’m weirdly self-isolating, not seriously but more in the way where I’m not really reaching out to people or texting that much. I am spending a lot of time with online friends, which is definitely fun but it’s an interesting observation for sure. I kinda am in a state where I don’t want to think about the problems in my life right now.
AND I JUST CHECKED MY EMAIL, AND THE OFFER LETTER FROM CS IS GONE. IT TIMED OUT. I’M GOING TO KILL MYSELF!!!!
Situation: CS offer letter timed out, and ECE department hasn’t responded after sending angry email.
Thoughts: I could be catastrophizing thinking the world is over.
Feelings: I’ll just kill myself
Behavior: I break down and shut down or something idk
Thoughts: Worst case I have a quarter where I don’t TA for now. I will survive -10k in the long run, thankfully I’ll be ok.
Feelings: I feel like shit, but not like killing myself
Behavior: Life goes on, and so do I.
God I want my richard siken book to come already. I’ll get through this.