Pandora's box
From what I remember of the myth, when Pandora closed the box the only thing that she kept trapped was Hope.
We finally saw each other in person yesterday, but they didn't bring up or acknowledge anything about the conversation that we had put on pause. I don't think anything will change there, I don't think they're willing to.
The birthday present was a blow to the gut, and the confirmation messages after was the second punch. I honestly feel like an idiot for having hope, they mentioned that it was something related to my blog but I don't think they looked at it at all. I put a link in the coded post two before this to something I wrote before my birthday – I think if they had seen that they might have thought twice about it.
I find myself constantly thinking about analogies on why it hurts, but I have to remind myself that I don't think it matters. They aren't going to ask why I was upset, they don't read this anyway, and I don't think I have it in me to bring this up to them anymore. I honestly feel like shit because I keep thinking about how much of a fool I've been. I gave a lot of benefit of the doubt. I don't really think I was wrong anymore. The gift kind of felt like a slap in the face – mocking me for thinking we were close all this time.
Fucking hurts. But I think it would hurt a lot more if I keep valuing them the way I do. For my own sake I'm going to put time and effort into other friends. Nothing changes, I get why people believe that.