Ritalin Ramblings
For the last few months, I’ve felt like I’ve had to put in a monumentous amount of extra effort than what would be normal to achieve basic things, making friends, interacting with people, exercising, all while fighting off unmedicated mental illnesses. Sometimes I have the thought creep into my head, of how unfair it is how much I unfairly struggle or how much extra work I have to put in that no one else sees, just to function as normal.
And other times, I’m so glad I do. I succeed in the things that I do because of that discipline. To survive and function I’ve had to learn to control myself, to do things I don’t want to do, to go against what my brain wants to do. Every time I talk to a friend who doesn’t want to study, work on something, put in extra effort, take cheap shortcuts, I honestly feel disgust. Or maybe pity is a better word? I hate comparison, and this is something I am not proud of, but my old mindset still has some roots. I feel an immense amount of vindication, fantasizing about telling them how I succeed when they do not because of the work and effort I put in.