What a gift it is
Today was a good day. I was going to say nothing great happened – but who is the judge of that if not me? I hit a new PR, I decorated my room, I did some nice things, I got a new candle, I finished my assignment, and I talked to a lot of friends. I was driving back home just now and for some reason decided to listen to C418.
I had an overwhelming feeling of being loved on that drive back. How many people worked hard to give me all those great memories of playing Minecraft as a kid? When I think back to my childhood I don’t remember much, but I always fixate on the bad parts. I don’t often think about how colors looked so vibrant the day I ran out of school after dropping off a coded love letter in my crush’s backpack (we dated for a year with romance that would put Hollywood to shame). What about the times I would talk to friends about League, and how we planned out new strategies to do when we got home? What about the time we went on a tour of my online crush’s town for hours, as she explained the stories from all 1000 people living there?
When I look back at my life, I always seem to find myself sad about things I’ve lost, or things I’ve never had. I want to change that, slowly but surely. I find myself falling in love with life again. I finally visited the top of my parking structure, and just felt an overwhelming thought of “I’m glad I’m alive.”
I think it’s dangerously easy to romanticize suffering or struggle, but life wasn’t meant to be a punishment for you. There’s so much beauty and magic in so many mundane things. Every song I listen to is a kiss from someone across the world, who made that for me to enjoy. Every taken parking spot is a person who has a turn at a slightly more convenient life today, and maybe they need it.
The world can be cruel, but oh-so beautiful at the same time. Is it not a gift to wake up in it every day? I think if I truly was faced with the reality of dying, I would beg god for another chance to experience heartbreak, wonder, confusion, joy, grief, and everything else again. Sorry to the people I’ve hurt or wronged before, but I also don’t think I would change a thing even if I had a choice. The seeds I’ve planed have borne fruit and oh god are they sweet. I love you man ♥