Jacksonville Beach
I am as far away as one can get from seabreeze and sun in between greencliff and saltwater
and cycling sound,
regular
static but brushed by a flag of soft curls
I am so long from brief downtime moments of contented overwatching of the familial you only know, then
Perhaps I've even permanently shunned myself from smelling comfort in a study haven, occasionally pinning silly smiles to friend or lover
Certainly, I am now to be given up on and delegatorly relegated to Strangest Smuck of Locale
As to the girls, I am either blowing or falling away from any expectation of reciprocity, perhaps
its only remarkable because of the contact my body is detecting deficit of with the mess of Her-related sensory input my brain continues to withdraw from without healing,
like a standing retreat
or defiant creed that I can still convince most of us of enough
that they fall in love with me
and realize that It is for Her
and are broken by it
to varying degrees
while I watch and know that I would be disgusted
wth myself utterly,
if I could feel anything
But when I do,
it is GAPING wide
for some reason always dramatized as a vacant bar graph in my mind