Dear Anxious Teacher

Tons of teacher personalities exist. I’ve worked with a lot of talented teachers: this one is great with discipline! Everyone loves this teacher! Now, here is your content expert! You then wonder about your own fit. What makes you special? Who are you in the field? Overthinking and comparing yourself too is not helpful. Never compare yourself to anyone. Then you deal with teachers who have massive egos who like to flex their “God-like” teaching abilities, igniting insecurities in our minds. First, you really need to be choosy about who you inquire advice from. Find someone who shares a similar teaching persona or philosophy to you. You need to need to trial and challenge everything you hear. Trying and seeing for yourself should always be the mantra of everything. Even me! There are a lot of poor teachers out there not to heed advice from. So if something sounds odd, believe your gut feelings or intuition.

Stupid advice that floats around with teachers like not smiling until the holidays or writing student names on the board when they misbehave is still being passed around like a bad middle school note. The contents of that note are probably better than the garbage advice above. Like I said in a previous blog, this is not the 1970s. Yelling at students is a fabulous way to get students not to listen to you. Listen—I don’t yell; I don’t need to yell. Once your relationship with students is healthy, disciplining becomes so much easier. The worst thing you want to do is to walk into a class like a drill sergeant and bark out orders. Students hate these kinds of teachers and will probably make your life a living hell in the classroom. You think you’re tough—students see right through it. So what is being strict really about? It’s about having high standards and accountability in your class. And you must stick to these standards. If respect, effort, and participation are your class rules like they are mine, you protect these rules in a strong and loving way.

You don’t have to be mean or yell, but you certainly should be firm when you need to be. Don’t retort it. Don’t use a nasty attitude or tone with students. I like to talk to my students after class for a small conference. This is done with kindness and respect. You must model it. Did you forget their ages? You should never tolerate disrespect from your students. They need to be disciplined (educated). Students need to learn. Growing up in the 90s with nuns and brothers (Catholic School Product here), teachers were given respect. Today—it’s gone. You walk into a class and some students will automatically respect you and some will automatically disrespect you. Kids will talk about your bald spot, your wrinkles, your gray hair, and just about anything that might rattle your nerves. Did they really just say that?

So you need to be yourself. Don’t be someone else. You must feel fully comfortable in your shoes and approach. With being yourself, you then discipline (teach) and hold students accountable in your own way. Establish your rules and procedures, and this should be done on the first day of school. It’s also okay to review these rules and procedures periodically throughout the year. The beginning of a new quarter is a great time to change seats and review class goals/procedures for the upcoming quarter. Do this in a matter-of-fact way. You can use humor to get your rules and procedures across.

After teaching students your class rules, you must protect these rules like an ump or a judge. That really is the best metaphor for us teachers. Call it like you see it. Holding students accountable and being consistent is probably the hardest thing. When you become inconsistent, that’s when misbehavior and problems will occur. Students will also lose respect for you, because you don’t mean what you say. My favorite kind of teacher is super loving and someone who holds students accountable to high expectations. That’s a fantastic educator in my mind, and a person I strive to be every day in the class.

When students really like you, disciplining and holding them accountable becomes so much easier. If you decide to not have a relationship with your students and keep a wall between you and them, that’s fine if it works for you. Listen, if you just want to focus on your content and being less personable with students, then do it. If it works and you’re getting results, keep at it. If you’re looking to make a bigger impact on your students, letting students know you care about them, then teaching with love and accountability is the way to go. I feel this is the way to go. There are teachers who probably don’t understand my approach. That’s fine. I really don’t care :)

My previous teaching experiences were in out-of-district special education settings, alternative high schools, life skill classes, private schools, and a residential treatment facility, not to ever forget. I’ll tell you this—the more students know you care about them, the better the experience you will both have. One of my principal friends said something to me which I’ll never forget. Students will forget what you taught, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel. Super true! Think back to your school days. We all have that one teacher or 2 who really connected to us and made us feel special. You don’t forget them.

So is kindness lame or not cool/weak? Kindness is power. Kindness breaks down the hardest kids who come to us from dysfunction and violence. Kindness dissolves barriers and engenders acceptance and love. Kindness is super cool and is the needle “mover” in the classroom. Can you be too kind? Do you mean just being nice with no standards or class rules? Combining kindness with accountability will give you the recipe for great classroom management. You really can’t be one without the other. Both together will create a very positive class for all. Kindness doesn’t mean taking disrespect. I have had my kindness taken for weakness. My first class rule is respect, and I will firmly tell a student privately if I feel disrespected by them after class. Do I take it personally and really tear into them? No. I become more business in my demeanor. I then tell them what is going to happen next if the behavior continues. I do not tolerate disrespect and either should you. If the behavior happens again, I will follow through with my word. Remember—they are not adults. Testing and pushing the limits is their job and part of their growing up experience—much like we did as youngsters. Holding them accountable lovingly is our job to educate students.

To sum it up, be yourself always in the classroom. Be kind, fair, and protect your class rules like an ump or ref. Laugh, have fun, and smile often in your class. Being consistent with discipline is probably the hardest thing. Sometimes, after a rough day, I like to reflect on my teaching and classroom management. You will learn new things every year you do this. The more you reflect and perfect, the better you will get at this job. Discipline and classroom management is something that takes time. You learn through experience. Your confidence will start growing. You’ll know when you're confident when you enjoy going to work. This is coming from a person who had 0 confidence my first few years. The more you experience, the better you’ll get at life and in this profession.