How I Envy Pessimists!
#nsfw TW: #suicide #depression #anxiety
Catastrophizing is a cognitive distortion.
When someone catastrophises they think or anticipate that an event in their life is a complete disaster with devastating consequences. In reality, this is rarely the case.
Total hysterics on the phone with my Care Coordinator because I think that all these people (building managers, project managers, contractors and whatever) are “evil men conspiring against me”.
If only I could be sure that the roof would kill me outright upon its impending collapse and not just bury me under a shallow layer of rubble, breaking a few bones. I need to kill myself because there is no way out of this situation. My protection from the outside world is gone. I am destroyed.
My (saintly) Care Coordinator tells me that the Landlords do not want the roof to deteriorate since they own the building. It's their investment. It's only logical that they will repair it.
Catastrophising is not officially categorised as a mental illness, however, it is a symptom of several mental health conditions such as anxiety and depression. It is also a symptom that antagonises mental health disorders and conditions such as PTSD and makes them more severe.
Context: After a recent deluge, there is a small leak in my ceiling. Email from building managers: My situation has been prioritised, and full repairs will be done very soon. They have spoken to the project manager. Meanwhile, temporary reinforcements will be made to stop the leak.
Bullshit.
Just another Tuesday.
I'm calm now. Took a pill. Tomorrow I have my first therapy session.