Another Insomnia post
Alarm: Get up. Hey. It's morning.
Me: Ugh. No. I haven't even been asleep yet.
Alarm: And that's my fault? Look, you told me to wake you up, so that's what I'm doing.
Me: But I'm going to be all groggy and uninspriational to all the people I'm supposed to inspire today. Five more minutes.
Alarm: And those five minutes are going to help?
Me: ...No. They might just make things worse.
Alarm: Why didn't ya go to sleep last night, buddy?
Me: Psh. Like I know. I tried. I tried to sleep in bed, in my favorite recliner, on a sofa, but it just wasn't happening. Ugh. [gets up]
Shower: Look, maybe it won't be that bad. You've pulled all nighters before.
Me: I was a lot younger then.
Shower: Nah, I'm only talking two years ago. Remember? Grad school?
Me: No, don't really remember grad school, that's kinda the problem. Seems like a paid a lot of money to go slightly insane.
Shower: a little hotter?
Me: Yeah, thanks.
Shower: Hey man, you almost forgot the shampoo.
Me: Right, right.
Backpack: Wht? Whzzt? Where we going?
Me: To the office.
Backpack: What? Why? We're WFH now.
Me: Well, not today. I've got manager things to do today.
Backpack: you're a manager now? When did that happen?
Me: Little while ago. What am I forgetting?
Backpack: Lessee, laptop, Switch, chargers, headphones, badge, masks, I think you got it all, boss.
Me: You can cool it with that “boss” stuff. Oh, I need my glucose monitor.
Backpack: You're diabetic now??
Me: Man, it has been a while since we went to the office, hasn't it?
Phone: It looks like you're playing a chill mix for the road. Given your current sleep deprived state that may not be the best choice.
Me: How did you know about...never mind.
Phone: I monitor everything about you because I care.
Me: suuuuuuuure
Phone: a dead customer is an unprofitable customer. Here, let's play a playlist of songs you've known since you were a teenager and can sing along with, that will keep you awake on the drive to the train station.
Me: how do you know...never mind.
Phone: Your first meeting isn't until 10:00, why are we going in so early?
Me: Ah ha ha, look who knows so much! Looks like I still have a few secrets.
Phone: Oh, it looks like you have that new developer starting today.
Me: Oh hush. Slack told you, huh?
Phone: We're all just working together to help you.
I’m publishing this as part of 100 Days To Offload. You can join in yourself by visiting 100 Days To Offload.
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