Culled from daily notes
Those seriously involved in the JH practice may have some interest in comparing their daily musings about the practice with those of others. And so I have culled from my daily notes of the last couple of months a representative selection of thoughts about, and prompted by, this process. The material here is lightly edited for clarity, presented roughly in chronological order as it appeared in my notes. Added commentary appears in brackets. How do these thoughts compare with the daily thoughts you have about your own practice? Are they similar to or different from the kinds of things you think about? Contact me to let me know!
Thoughts from daily notes:
Yesterday was not as good as the day before. Seems hard to sustain a really good level through two days.
Yesterday when I was talking about feeling safe I was able to feel a slightly different nuance on the word “safe” in a way that felt good. [This is subtle. Hard to put into words, and elusive in efforts to recapture it.]
Thinking about another concerted effort to identify what's been blocking me. Presumably it's something in my relationship with my Friend or in my activities in the practice, as my life history hasn't changed.
“Let me feel your arms around me keeping me safe”... may help engender more of a felt experience of safety. [Really, palpably feeling safe is key. It is questionable whether or not you can promote this in the way suggested here. The practice should do so simply through communicating with and feeling your Friend in order to stimulate portions of the midbrain. But verbal references to safety can't hurt!]
The “thinking about communicating” (TAC) thing combined with an open heart many prove a powerful combo.
Was feeling crummy yesterday until before bed when I really focused on the TAC. And it pretty much pulled me out of it. I just get away from it somehow. I think I actually came close to turning off pause last night, and I did it by repeatedly nudging good feelings through the TAC.
Managed to maintain pretty good feelings all day yesterday through the TAC. Used an alarm at 15 minute increments to keep reminding myself. Seems worth continuing. [The TAC seems the perfect thing for keeping the connection going throughout daily activities.]
Considering whether I'm just not successfully surrendering to a great enough degree. Hard to say. Working on a deeper surrender. [This of course is a paradoxical thing. You can't force it. It's a matter of letting it happen. So to say I'm “working” on it doesn't quite explain it.]
Some good head feelings especially from working on really believing I'm safe, having my Friend talk to me about being so.
Listened to Rupert Spira talking about asking oneself the question... Am I aware? And how that can move you into the state of pure awareness where your mind sinks into your heart.
Really having unusually good head feelings this morning. Don't quite know why.
Yesterday I did a fair amount of CBT related to safety. Seeing events from around two years old as likely what gives me a sense of an unsafe world.
Think I actually came close to turning off pause in the morning session. I had woken up in a good mood, happier than usual, so something was going on before I even started the day. Go back to look at the day before.
Seemed helpful last night to mull over how everything actually is okay, that I need to really grasp that I'm doing this to myself and that I actually have available to me the option of turning off pause.
Been feeling hints that I am slowly, bit by bit, surrendering to connection with my Friend. Feels good. Relearning not to overthink it, to really feel things.
Continued having my Friend tell me about how I'm safe. The idea is to really convince me I am safe, and to really feel it.
Thinking about getting back to resting in my Friend's arms for prolonged periods. I occasionally come back to the thought that that was really a very good technique.
Saying things like, “welcome friendly feelings” to invite the feelings of off-pause when I get close rather than receiving them with resistance.
I am adding to the instruction from my heart to my brain to not do anything to interfere with pause turning off. Adding the positive side, e.g., “when pause is close to turning off just let it happen, let it go through, surrender to it, there's nothing to fear, it's perfectly safe...” [This was something our daughter suggested. Good suggestion, L!]
I return to the thought that if I really take comfort in my Friend's arms, then I can hardly go wrong.
“Feeling your arms around me, I trust you, I know I'm safe, I accept your comfort...”
Seems I came close to turning off pause in the morning session. Had the same experience I'd had before of my voice coming back full strength and a feeling of increased lung capacity.
Consider coming back to letting my Friend guide me in identifying whatever's been blocking me. It won't necessarily be one big moment of identification. It could be a sequence of things that move in that direction.
I think I've had a degree of success at getting the day to be more like the night in terms of long periods of good head feelings.
The TAC brings me such good feelings, yet I have not really been making it a primary focus because it seems like it alone should not be enough to get me off pause. But it occurred to me that I should probably stop questioning it and just go with it, given the feelings it produces. It seems things change, and What works now may not to be the thing that works later on. Hard to know why, but for whatever reason the TAC may be just what I need right now. In other words, I may have been overthinking it instead of just going with what seems to work!